Driving – Geoff Lott – Comedy And More

I was driving to work yesterday in typically rainy weather in the Seattle area. I live a bit North of Seattle, where the median home price has dipped into the high $600K’s, ha ha ha so overvalued! ANYway, on the road and driving, and the people in my area drive pretty well. But I did have a moment where I thought, “This is it… I’m going to die.” Adrenaline is an amazing window-cleaner of your soul; I was crystalline in that moment, every image of my sons and my wife and my friends blinked. And I was terrified for a moment, but also had a flash of peace.

I had poured myself a hot cuppa into my insulated travel stein, which keeps the contents near their entry temperature for about 2 hours. It was worth the $7 I paid for it at Value Village, just had to scrape the lipstick off the side and paint over the “DONNA’S DIVORCE PARTY 2005!” on the side. And off I go…

I was driving down the hill from we I live, and the road winds down and around a number of blind curves. To the right is a guard rail, and beyond it a large ravine, as in 50+-foot steep-roll to the bottom-ravine. The rail is scarred and bent with reminders of speed and inattentiveness. A car coming up the hill crossed the centerline about one wheel’s-width into my lane. I swerved and blurted “HEY! Dude.” Nobody wants to die on the way to work, let alone be on the way to work.
Around the bend, near the bottom, is an on-road that is a cut-over street from a neighborhood that sits beneath this hill. That cut-over helps people back in the corner of those ‘hoods to bypass about a half mile of turns, but only legally allows the person to turn to the Right, or DOWN the hill. The person at the intersection, coming up from the ‘hood, darted out to make a hard left UP the hill. The rain and traction didn’t mix, and I began to brake, hard, while the car behind me approached my rear-bumper at about 40mph. A car coming up the hill thought coming into my lane was a good move (it wasn’t), but I swerved, missed the cars, and horns were a-blaring. Heart’s racin’ now.
Around the next curve is an elementary school, and is not in busing zone, so it’s 95% drop-off. Some people park across the street and walk over from a large lot. This was the drop-off period so there are easily another 300 cars in that spot in about 15min. There’s a light at the cross-walk, and to the East of that light is the school lot’s entrance. So if people are crossing, the light’s red, and the cars can turn into the school with no traffic. As I’m going 20 because of the School Zone, the guy behind me gets impatient and wants to cut ahead… As he starts to, a car pulls out of the parking lot across from the school and the cutter gets so close to my car I can smell the scent of his vape contraption (“Slavic Tramp”). He brakes, falls in line, and we’re back to it. This isn’t even a half-mile from home yet…
I get through the left-turn which leads me eventually to work, and make a jaunt to the right at the next light. As I yield to the car coming across (per the signage), the guy behind me jams his horn like he’s in a jazz trio and starts gesturing as if his anti-spaz meds haven’t kicked in. I’m still rolling, just slower than 40, so I point to the Yield sign with my middle finger, which he takes as a conductor’s cue to hit that F# from the Kia again. I accelerate, swerve around another car that decided to just pull off with no warning, and a teaspoon of molten coffee escaped the travel-mug’s sippin’ hole. With the heat of nearly 3 suns, the drop hung in mid-commute, consumed enough gravity to turn downward, and landed directly on the most-specific spot of a man’s lap that hot liquids can cause the most discomfort. I thought “This is it… I’m going to die.”

I didn’t die. I yelled “WHY THE SHIT, AMERICA!?” and almost rear-ended this guy pulling into the gas station without his blinker on.

I did start draping a kitchen towel across my lap while commuting, however. Can’t be too careful.

Drivers are more distracted than ever. It’s the phones. The mobile phone is present in most of our cars. If you’re reading this you likely have a mobile device. These aren’t just phones any more. That little case is 98% entertainment/communication/organization device, and 2% phone. And because enough people focus too much attention on their phones and not on their driving, traffic fatalities are up over the past few years. I say “enough” people because I’ve seen it too often to know we have “enough,” which, if you need it quantified, is at least 5% of the drivers on the roads. A recent study showed 20% OF PEOPLE REGULARLY WRITE AND SEND TEXT MESSAGES WHILE DRIVING.

I commute about 35 miles, round-trip, in some heavy traffic on a daily basis. I rarely go more than 50 yards without seeing the tell-tale signs of a distracted driver. Where most folks are packed in close to the cars around them, there’s maybe a 5-10 car-length opening in front of a car. As I pass it I see the driver, usually a young woman (sorry, could be an old woman, too) with her eyes cast downward, away from the road for 2-5 seconds. That’s a lot on the highway. Guys do it, too. Glancing down even if their phone is up near their early-20’s face. Then they glance up, and right back down to their lap or thereabouts. Something must be verrry important.

Imagine you’re driving a reasonable 35mph. Close your eyes and count “1-Mississippi, 2-Mississippi.” Open them for 1 second, close them again and count. That’s about what I’ve seen people doing while behind the wheel of a car. Driving and not causing an accident and catching on fire and not making it to work for bagel day apparently isn’t enough motivation. Whatever is happening on that phone – UFO Landing? Bigfoot visiting St. Jude’s? STREAMING VIDEO OF THEIR CHILD’S BIRTH ON A SPACESTATION, right? – has taken precedent over the safety of everybody else on the roads, including their own. And we don’t have the right to endanger other people. And the age ranges of the perpetrators vary wildly , so we’re all to blame.

I’ve also seen this on surface streets. Last year I was pushing a stroller fully-loaded with a ready-to-run toddler up to a crosswalk. No light or stop sign for cross traffic, the pedestrian just grabs a flag to help identify themselves. The far lane, crossing right-to-left, stopped. As I looked at the curb lane closest to me, a car about 50 feet away going about 30mph was driven by a woman who’s face was aimed lap-ward, about 6 cars following her. She glanced up over the top of her sunglasses then right back to her lap. Never slowed down. As she passed I shouted “HEY” through her open passenger window and got her attention. Abruptly. Of course she snapped-to and gave me a dirty look and hand-wave from her car. God-forbid I distract this driver! The car behind her had slowed to a stop, and that driver was shaking her head. Everybody’s responsible for their own actions, and I’m not going to endanger myself or my family to prove a point. Still, that chick’s a shithead.

According to one study, drivers who are texting are 4 times slower to brake than drivers who are at the very least “impaired” by alcohol, if not legally drunk. This infographic has more interesting facts about the dangers of Texting & Driving. It also states that drivers are six times more likely to get in an accident (cause one, basically) when dialing a number.

So, make text-related traffic stops, tickets, and accidents as harshly punishable as DUIs, or even moreso. But firstly, do the right thing and put your phone down on the road, listen to podcasts, and zone out the way you used to. Eventually our cars will block all communications unless the car is turned off and sittin under an overpass. As long as a few keep doing this and aren’t openly chastised and heavily penalized (like a person can own a cell phone but no carrier can give them a plan for less than $500/month), it’ll keep happening. Be careful out there.

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Tag: Driving

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