Tag: Fitness

Organic Chocolate Vegan Protein Pudding Recipe

I rarely post recipes here but wanted to share this one because it’s been a real life-saver for this newly Dairy-Free protein supplement junkie.

I first came across the magnificent valley of green bounty early in a hike up…
KIDDING.  Too many recipes have an overblown backstory of the author’s emotional attachment to locally-sourced berry compotes, but not me.  Won’t catch me rambling on about things that don’t feed the story. I hate that. Not “hate,” that’s a strong word I like to reserve for Hate Groups and people who dawdle in the line for samples at Costco.  MOVE ON WITH YOUR MINI-TACO, ya know?  Jeez.

OK, but, I came up with this randomly. I had a food sensitivity panel done and milk, dairy, and whey were all highly allergenic to my system, so I had to find a new protein supplement.
This mix comes out like a chocolate pudding/mousse.  It’s thick and has a chocolate cake-batter type flavor. I think the coconut cream adds a great smoothness to it, healthy-ass fats to keep fats off your healthy ass, and helps it firm up in the fridge.
My kids even like this, which is very rare.

  • Ingredients (here’s what I use, do what you like):
    Orgain Chocolate Protein Powder – 2/3 Cup
    Almond Milk – 2/3 Cup
    Coconut Cream (Trader Joe’s has a great one for $1.50) – 1/4 Cup
    Vanilla Stevia drops – 4-5, or to taste
    Options:
    Cinnamon, Fiber powder (I have used Acacia fiber, 0 taste to it), a pinch of sea-salt, almond butter, peanut butter, melted coconut oil (drizzle it in and it makes coconut “chips” when it cools), etc.
  • Put the first 2 in a bowl and sloooooowly mix them together with a whisk. Vegetable-based protein powder has a much finer texture than whey, and will go “aerosol” on ya if you get aggressive with it.
  • After it combines, it will be a little soupy but thicker than a usual protein shake. It’s okay to add a little more almond milk to loosen it up, but not too much.  You want to keep it well-combined but a little thick
  • Add the coconut cream and stevia, and any extras. The cream really smooths the mixture. It will help bring it all together when it cools in the fridge, also.
  • Chill for 30min-1hr while the mixture chills for 30min-1hr.

Something extra for those of us looking to get a protein fix and some sweetness to it.
YES, you can freeze it. I have an ice cream maker I plan to throw this into over the weekend. Will report back, assuming all goes well or if I don’t eat so much I’m immediately a Centaur.

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20 by 40 part 3 – Stagnation Motivation

Wellllll… crap.

I have totally stagnated in my weightloss efforts.  2 weeks with nary a budge on the scale.  Dropped a total of 6.5 for the month of November.  ThanksGiving didn’t help, though I didn’t partake in too many pies.  The first 5 came off quickly in a week, so I’ll recount what I did there and see if I can replicate it for future success. 

  1. Water!  I drank more during the day before I got home after work.  Probably 32oz more than normal. 
  2. Sleep!  At one point I slept 21 hours over 3 nights, which is good for me.  One night was a deep 7.5, then an 8, and horrible 5.5 due to the hacking chest-cough of my oldest boy.  But after that night, I was still feeling pretty rested, and I don’t fault him for the hack.  I also didn’t stress out about not getting to the gym that morning.  I wouldn’t have had a good workout and probably would’ve taxed myself even further, driving cortisol up and stressing myself out.
  3. 30g in 30min!  I first read about this in a Tim Ferriss book, 4 Hour Body, I think… something like that… ANYwho, it’s a principle of consuming 30g of protein within 30min of waking.  I did that pretty much every day for a week.  It is geared at getting your body into a metabolic surge w/out spiking insulin (and thus, no crash & scavenging to curb cravings), and keeping things in check.  This seemed to help a lot, plus I usually undereat during the day by about 500cal below the range of where I “should” be to drop fat.  So my bod could use the extra calories in a good way.  Just a 30g scoop of protein powder in a shaker cup, chugged it, get on with the day.
  4. HIIT The Gym!  I started every workout for 2 weeks with a short, intense cardio session of intervals.  At least 8, 20sec sprint intervals on an elliptical machine.  I crank the level up to where my legs feel like they are in cement, then drop it down to whatever level feels like I’m nearly floating.  Then some lifting, and usually in supersets.
  5. Sugar Out!  I didn’t “cut carbs” per se, but I surely didn’t indulge in a lot of sweets.  I don’t really eat bread or pasta, but I looooove chocolate.  I don’t go for dessert unless it has a cocoa component.  I shrug it off.  So I didn’t buy anything chocolate or eat any secret brownies in the first couple weeks.  Seemed to do the trick.  There was 1 night where I caved and did serious adult-themed things to a Marie Callendar’s single-serve Chocolate Satin Pie, but was back to the gym in the morning.

ImageBummed but not broken.  I’ll have to keep it tight in the food world and be conscious of my intake and blah blah blah.

 

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20 by 40 – Part 2 – Progress

OK, so I’m down 2.5lbs as of this morning.  Sure, probably just water weight but still happy to see the ball rolling.  Consistency is gonna be needed, big time.  It’s usually around day 4 or 5 that I go bonkers, so I need to do the right thing and keep the healthy carbs (like a yam with dinner) coming in and keep that leptin level slightly up.  I ain’t been 100% or even 95% clean, probably closer to 85-90%.  But I had 2 great workouts so far this week.

In the meantime my co-worker’s eating an apple like it’s the anchor leg of some Young Life event. Ease it off there, buddy.

So dropping the immense amount of carbs from my diet which I had daily ingested last week has proved beneficial.  Sometimes something is just too friggin’ good to pass up.  So, low carb’in’ it works.

Drinkin’ a lotta water at night, too.  I realized I pretty much stopped drinking water after 6pm, so I was getting that weird fake-empty feeling of “hunger” an hour after dinner.  Keeps the skin clear, the pipes clear, and helps motivate an early rise from bed, lest I piss said bed.  You can get away with that only like 3 times a year before trouble starts.

So there we go.  Sigh.  On my way.  I’ll be even more motivated when it comes to that 10lb mark.  When I see the results of consistent action (i.e. not eating like a dipshit on the weekends) I know I’ll be feeling even more motivated.

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Gym Neighbors

If you’ve ever worked out in a public fitness facility, like a Gold’s Gym or a high school weight room or “The Y,” and I’m not saying that you have NOT, you look fine for now…

But if you have ever been in such a place you know there are some rules.  And if you DON”T know the rules, well you’re the reason I’m writing this.  These rules are the most-basic etiquette for behavior in a gym, and the people most likely to break them?  THE YOUTH.

The disrespectful, self-entitled, “Fuck you I am on the way up and over your dying ass” Youth.  And idiots.

 

Wipe It Down, Dry It Off

You’re sweating out hot sauce and beer gas from the weekend, all over the elliptical machine which you’ve cranked to Level 4/Mall Walking.  As you marinate the machine you release your toxins and begin to feel a bit better.  Hopefully if you’re only doing cardio you’re doing HIIT cardio, and not planning on trying to hit 49min of boring stuff.  HIIT’s where it’s at.  And you’re drippin’ your biodiesel all over the machine.  This goes for the fixed-weight/pulley machines, too.  You sweat it, you wet it, you wipe it.

Fine.  That’s part of the gig and the machine can take it.  When you’re done, you get a towel of any kind, as clean as it can be, and any kind of cleaning/degreasing spray.  You spray that on the machine or the towel (I get the towel damp, don’t wanna hit other gym-goers with spray) and you WIPE OFF ALL THE SWEAT YOU CAN WIPE OFF OF THE MACHINE.  Not the floor areas.  Anything that a human has to touch or look at after you head off to your Zumba!!! class.  Clean it up.  No sweat left behind. 

PENALTY:  $10 for the first machine, $20 for each one after that. Suspended membership, picture on the wall.  SHAME.

 

Weight Management

Sweet chocolatey Gregg Avedon this eludes far too many people.  Two principles of managing free weights to keep in mind.

1)      Handle Your Load:  Lotta guys still doing that “Pick up the heaviest weight I can, drop it on the floor, kick it to my bench” move with the dumbells.  If you can’t carry it 5 feet, you really wanna be pushing that over your face?  Or do you need attention?  Because you’re damaging the floor, the weights, and your reputation.  10 perfect reps of a weight you can handle for 10 reps are far better than 4 grunting spasms under a weight you can’t count to.  How do you plan to…

2)      RACK YOUR FUCKING WEIGHT:  More precisely, re-rack it.  You put whatever it was, a 3lb red-microsuede medicine ball or a 45.5kg plate, right back where you found it.  Something in it’s place already?  Find the next place it fits.  You don’t’ leave it on the bar in case somebody randomly wants to hit a quick set of 315lb squats.  You don’t tuck the 35-lb’ers under the bench and walk over to wonder what your legs would look like if you worked ‘em out.  You put ‘em back on the rack by the other 35’s, or in between 30 and 40. 

PENALTY:  $1/lb of unracked weight.  2nd offense = Being spotted on the bench by an older Greek man with loose shorts and no underpants.  3rd offense = Suspended membership.  SHAME.

HOLD THE BALL
If you like to play basketball, or “hoop” as white people call it, you’re probably gonna take your ball that you own from the locker room all the way over to the basketball court.  If you’re inside for the duration of the trip to the court and you have a basketball in your position, hold it.  Don’t bounce it.  Don’t dribble it across the entire facility.  BOMP  BOMP  BOMBOMP  BOMP BOMP BOMP BOMPBOMPBOMPBOMP stop it, hold the ball. 

We wouldn’t allow a guy with a bass drum strapped to his belly like a marching band pounder to hammer out a 2:4 beat from the Spin class over to the Stairblaster without glaring.  Why should you, bouncer of the ball, be any different?  Because you have a tanktop from a Summer camp?  You’re wearing retro Pippen’s?  Shorts below the knee are not a pass to act like you’re about to create a highlight reel in the Under 25 game.  Hold the ball. 

PENALTY: Anybody can approach, defend, and hand-check you across the weight room and gets to keep your ball if they knock it outta your hand, then puncture it with an ice pick while your smelly cousin watches. 

 

Phone Down, Weight Up
The Youth are into this new workout craze where you do a set of something, then fill the next 3 minutes by scrolling through the smartphone to see something.  I don’t know what.  But it requires being totally still, sitting on one bench or standing in one place or walking around with your head down and almost bumping into people.

If the facility has a WiFi server, every 10minutes just send out a blast message that reads “KEEP CALM AND PUT THE PHONE AWAY”.  Keep it moving.  Other people have actual friends to socialize with.

 So there ya go.  Anything else happening in the gym is up to you.  Most of us are paying too much money to lift weights with dumbasses.  You can be an animal without being a savage.  Stay dry, rack it, and hold your stuff.  Good advice any time.

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Work It Out – Simplifying The Basics

I’m in a weird phase now, having joined a gym and going enough to see results, but not so much as to burn out on the people who go there.  The personalities of gym-goers range from “Aggressively Spray-tanned Wide-Backed Renter” to “Scrumptious Bootypacked Stairstepper” to “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT?” to “Keepin’ Sleek at 60.”  We all go for different reasons, but the underlying goal is to ultimately beat The Reaper at his own game. 

I guess that means killing yourself trying to stay healthy?

Anyway… thanks to some information that piqued my sensors (maybe the 2nd time ever using the word “pique”) from a great site I found, BuffDaddio.com, I started a new lifting protocol.  Mike Mentzer’s HIT (High Intensity Training) simplifies all the Sets x Reps x (WeightLifted*DistanceMoved/TimeUnderTension) + Time Staring At Self In Mirror maze of crapola people wade through.  Mentzer’s workouts are all about applying a mindset of FOCUSED INTENSITY for a short period of time to properly perform basic muscle-busting movements.  You squat 255 perfectly, slowly, for 8 reps and you’ll do more for your body than the guy busting out 315 with bad form and 15 half-reps.  Keep it simple, keep it short, keep it moving.  

I love lifting again.  I’m not as strong as I was 8 years ago when I was in a gym every day pretty much.  But I’m getting there.  And I’ve accepted that I don’t NEED to toss iron the way I did when I was in college, throwing shot-put, or trying to attract girls with daddy issues.  I basically want to drop about 50lbs before next June and see 4 of my abs and have some specific measurements.  How does this all come together?  I HAVE ADD, SO BEAR WITH ME. 

Here’s what I’ve found to be the basic principles of the most-loved and “realistic” fitness regimens.  Bodybuilder, athlete, fat-burner, carb lover, busy dad, busier mom, weight-dropping project manager… these are for all of us.  

  1. What you eat is about 80% of your success.  If you eat really cleanly (lean protein, moderate fat, lots of veggies and fruit, low sugar and carbs), your body gets its energy from your stored bodyfat, which you have (sorry you had to find out here).
  2. Eat Protein.  It repairs your muscles and takes energy to metabolize.  Eat Fat.  It makes you feel full and happy and your brain will love you for it.  Eat veggies and fruit.  Vitamin and antioxidants are all up in those.  If you GOTTA HAVE A COOKIE AND PIE AND ICE CREAM, have a little bit of each, once a week.  Then get right the hell back to the good stuff. 
  3. If you’re gonna lift, lift pretty heavy, and keep the workout short.  Short rests between sets.  Compound exercises are best, like deadlifts, squats, presses, and rows.  Start with those, then do your 20lb kickbacks in the Zumba room.
  4. If you’re gonna do cardio, DO CARDIO.  Get your heart POUNDING, not pumping.  Do some HIIT work.  Warm up for a few minutes, get loose.  Then run/row/pedal/elliptical about 90% effort for 15seconds, higher tension or speed or incline.  Then ratchet it down for 45seconds, like you’re on a stroll.  Repeat that cycle about 8-10 times.  Cool down a few minutes.  Boom.  15min of cardio twice a week, and your fat’ll be burning.
  5. Move a little bit every day.  Walk around, stretch, be purposely active.  Especially if you’re sore.
  6. Get as much sleep as you can.  It helps your hormones regulate, weightloss, recovery, and you’re not a complete turd to be around.
  7. Quit stressin’.  Life’s too short.  Exercise to live better and healthier.  If you put in 3 hours of exercise a week, that’s 156 hours a year, or about 6.5 days each year.  If those 6.5 days/year meant that you had another 12 months of great health later in life, would you trade that time in? 

6.5 days of effort = 365 more days of health, love, family, and friends?

Yeah, I’ll take that trade.  Still gonna work to see my gawddamn abs.

To your health!

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