Everybody’s The Smartest Dumbass, Dumbass

The internet is not just a giant suckhole of your time, sanity, and sanctity, it’s also where dipshits, tardloads, and the occasional thick-skulled seat-sniffer volleys a shot at your intelligence from their dandruff and sebum-grouted keyboard.  Everybody’s a tough guy until they get punched in the mouth.  That’s why they never show their mouth.  You can’t punch an internet tough-guy (a.k.a. “keyboard warrior”) in the mouth because theirs is full of a brain-frying energy drink and microwaved snacks.

A few months ago there was a “highlight” circulating of a high-school football scrimmage, wherein a running back takes a pitch-out around right-end and heads up-field.  He makes a “spectacular flip” over a defender and heads for the end-zone. I saw it and thought right away how the back made a full spin in the backfield (takes eyes off defense), the defense seemed really soft, the blocker falls down, and the safety from the middle of the field doesn’t even try to tackle the kid.  It looked staged.

Why stage it?  Hell if I know.  But it looked staged to me.  And I said as much in the comments.  And wow, did the dipshits come out of the basement jerk-closets!

Image

My name, GLRules is there.  My comment at the top.  I had 12 thumbs-downers, so a dozen people thought I was a complete asspipe.  Fine.
Then an anonymous user misspells “obviously” while making an assumption about my football-playing past.  He’s wrong. I did play football, I study it, I love it.

Then “ManU” chimes in stating that it’s a scrimmage so OF COURSE nobody’s trying… except the kid risking knee ligaments to flip over somebody, while the scrimmage just HAPPENED TO BE CAPTURED ON VIDEO BY SOMEBODY?! Which most coaches would rather you NOT F*CKING DO. Plus, ManU is the moniker of a popular British Soccer squad, so their knowledge of full-out sporting is suspect.

Isn’t my primary comment my way of tossing my TapouT hat into the “Ring of Tards”?  Sure.  I know it may get comments and those comments may be from idiots.  But when you call it out, and it’s faked, and people defend it, and 2 weeks later it’s A COMMERCIAL FOR A WIRELESS CARRIER… then yeah… you get to walk out of the tard ring knowing that you weren’t crapping on some kid’s dream of being a getting a full-ride Parkour scholarship.  So what do you do in that case?

Image

Ya just keep throwing.

Never let dipshits get the better of ya.

Is Consulting For You?

Consulting is nothing new to business.  It’s been happening since the first caveman asked a buddy to figure out how they could get more speed on their spear-throws.  They had different words for “spear” and “buddy,” of course, which we now call “product” and “peer.”  So the path has been well-worn for at least 50 years.  Are you thinking about walking it?

I first left a major company after realizing there was literally nowhere for my career to go.  That was after seven years of skill development, great benefits, moderate pay increases, and being taken-over by a competitor.  I had some skills that might keep me working there, for a bit more money, but it was up to me to get out and look for something better.  Why?  Because I had debt, of course!  But honestly, hey, we’re working people.  We are hunters, hence the “job hunt.”  Hey, that’s why I’m here.  Let me show you how to get more distance on that resumé, buddy.

But first, I will tell you this:  It’s okay to be freaked out by looking for a new job.  Instability happens, especially in competitive industries such as Mobile Telecom and Pretty Much Every Business.  You don’t own your job, your desk, or your “space” until you do something that is so incredibly invaluable for the company that they wouldn’t think of letting you go.  Don’t worry, it’s just The Truth of the workplace these days.  Own your career, if not your desk-space.  Here are a few reasons to go into Consulting and Contract work.

Playing The Odds:
Not too long ago I was in a panel interview at a wireless telecom giant, and the manager mentioned that his department (IT Planning) was around 60-70% contracted workers.  You have a better chance getting placed via contract/consulting work than going through the normal methods of applying to a job via the company website.  Eventually I got past my emotional attachment to the color of my badge and designation as either Full Time or Contract.  I quit hinging the worth of my employment on whether or not I got to attend off-site rallies with full-timers.  I got to the point where finishing work well and on-time was more important than sitting in on a 90minute catered lunch with a guest speaker.  WORK TO DO.  DO WORK.  Get working, serve your project, deliver with style, get paid.  You’re among friends.

Attitude Count$:
“Serve the Project.”  I have worked with a lot of Full-Timers (FT’ers) who stand on either side of the “Innovation” fence.  That is, one particular program manager I worked for was so sharp, affable, personable, and driven that we both knew his position was a step towards a much larger body of work outside the company.  Also, I have sat in meetings where work is piling up and instead of assessing the approach and handling of the pile, the FT’ers leaned back and said “Oh well, I’m on vacation in 2 weeks anyway.”  As a consultant my main task is doing a good job for the client; meeting and exceeding their expectations.  I’m still competitive enough and have enough pride to wanna kick ass.  Even if I’m not leaping out of bed every day to gather requirements like so many daffodils, flitting about the office to facilitate Change Management, and cheering up every soul regardless of their badge color, I’m there to serve the project’s needs and be paid well for it.  So I do that, happily.

The Wide Walk Of Work:
So you have Analyst and Project Leadership experience?  Great.  In Healthcare?  Awesome.  And you think the only positions you can handle are in Healthcare?  Not necessarily.  First, embrace your niche.  Healthcare is going to be HUUUUUUUUUGE in the next 20 years.  Bet on it.  If you can see trends in technology and how they’ll mesh with your industry’s growth you are well-ahead of most folks.  Second, can you see how your experience would feed other industries?  Fresh minds are needed for any industry’s growth, or at least, stability.  Your transition from Healthcare experience to Mobile Computing may take a while, but really it breaks down to X’s and O’s; your skill + new terminology + credibility building = HIRED!  Don’t limit yourself to only your industry of experience.  I found myself in a food service company after years in wireless technology, and loved it!

Duration Variance:
You may be on a project for 2 years.  More than likely it will be less than 12 months.  I had a 5 month contract shortened to 2 because the department’s delivery strategy shifted.  It happens.  This is where being a full-timer to your company counts, and having saved that money beforehand comes in handy.  Hopefully you have a bench to work from and get paid while honing a few skills before the next job.  But if you’re somebody who likes to see things come together, launch, and repeat a few times… then you get a little antsy… this is a good road to walk.

Finances:
You often are making a greater hourly rate in contracting than you were as a FT’er.  Why?  Because you, or your firm, is charging more and it filters out a few more things like taxes.  Oh, and the company you’re at isn’t investing in your 401k or Stock Options, so you make it up in cash.  Never sell yourself short, and if you’re not ready to negotiate, go buy a book on negotiating.  Money is a trade for your service.  Try paying your mortgage with beers your pals owe you.

If you’re Independent, always get the contract in writing, and have an “early end” clause.  For example, if you sign on for 8 months at $7K/month, include a clause that says “For every week less than 32 weeks the Consultant’s services are not needed, client will be paid ½ a standard week’s pay in a single payment.”  This keeps you working at your full rate for the agreed-upon time, and if not, at least you’re not totally out the pay you could have been getting from the client or elsewhere.  If they balk, offer to lower it to 1/3rd, but don’t empty your pockets for the sake of courtesy.  You’d rather be getting paid and helping out than pounding the keyboard and interviewing for work.

And save, save, save all you can, enough for about 3 months of expenses in case you find yourself on an unexpected vacation.

Socialize:
Social interwebbing is vital to your job search.  From LinkedIn to FaceBook to Twitter, everything you put out there represents you, either as a person or a potential candidate.  What does your online presence say about you?  Are your strengths and experiences evident?  If you aren’t savvy in it yet, well, I just Googled “job search and social media” and got over 200,000,000 results.  I’ll let you know what I find in there.  Get using technology as a means to an end; it’s not just what you’re working on, it’s working on you, too.

Consulting work and Contract work are going to be prevalent for quite a while.  I doubt the forming of a Union to protect our interests, but if you are wondering who those people are that show up one day and start ruffling feathers, arranging work schedules, and presenting project plans… then are out before the holidays… that’s us.  That’s me.  We’re here to help that spear bring down bigger game.  Good hunting.

Eat It

There’s no way I should be hiding all of the truth from people if this is going to be a readable blog, right?  Who wants to read regurgitated horse-S from a guy who sorta speaks his mind if it’s probably not going to bother people?  Truth is, if you’re bothered then I said something that hit a part of you that you’re likely not happy about. You’ll stop reading or you’ll hate me and come back out of spite.  Or you’ll agree and we can say “OK, let’s go forward.”  It’s not my intent to offend anybody – that’s just a bonus.

So about these homo’s getting married…  KIDDING, loosen up.  Every adult should be allowed to enter a legally-recognized civil union and you can call it whatever you want, as long as we’re treated equally and allowed, on our own accord, to screw it up on a case-by-case basis.

It’s my intent to share whatever I can from my personal perspectives on life, parenting, health, and work in hopes it will connect with whomever reads this, and will keep them coming back, and they’ll tell their friends.  Hopefully it will be entertaining, either from a comedy or mildly dramatic view.  But overall it’s unfair to ask for anybody’s time if this is boring and repetitive and another boring “DadBlog.”  I’ve read a few and thought how truly boring the dad’s come across, and wonder if they’re coming off like that to get laid at blogger conferences or if they really are that wussified.  I have plenty of Compromise DNA in me, but a few entries on a few other DadBlogs almost made an “innie” out of my scrotum.

Where-to from there?  How about food!?  Shouldn’t try and ride the horse through highest waters just yet.

We’re having a renaissance of toddler eating habits in our house.  With 1 toddler and 1 nurser and everybody working full-time there’s only so much time and so many hands with-which to prepare food.  Many experts (I know they are because they wrote it on a website!) about toddler eating have said to give your kid what you’re eating, and they’ll come around to it.

Let/Make them try a lot of things.  They won’t starve unless you with-hold all food from them.  As parents WE dictate to the CHILD what’s available to eat.  It doesn’t have to be dungeon gruel and the last of the ox gristle.  But if we gave in to our son’s pouting about meals every time he hit a 7 on the Grumpometer, he’d have a steady diet of cookie-rabbits and juice.  While it would ensure zero hassle at meal time,  it would probably damage my oldest boy’s physical and emotional development.  He’d be on an unhealthy path via nutrition and constant catering to his whims.  The world doesn’t work like that, we don’t work like that, so neither will meal time.

In doing so we’ve had a few shortened lunches and dinners while baby carrots were left on the plate and cries came from the booster seat.  Sometimes a single floret of broccoli designated the entire table a war-zone.  Then eventually a few berries were eaten.  Then a lot more.  Then some brown rice with chopped vegetables became a staple.  And recently the baby carrots diminished by a few by the end of the meal.  He actually lived, acted, and slept very well in the aftermath of regularly having various foodstuffs on his plate.  We usually have a starring role for a nearly-natural chicken nugget trio, a yogurt-fruit smoothie, applesauce, whole-grain pancakes, and the like.  But as a dad who has fought the weight battle my whole life I want to get good nutrition habits into my son from early on.  I can’t do that if I don’t eat healthy.  I’m not perfect – I’ve had sensuous moments with brownies and slices of pizza that I still think of when I’m hungry – but at the very least I want my boys to try all kinds of food, see what they like, then mash it up into a paste and bake it into a cookie shape so they’ll eat it, stay thin, and have a perfect life.  The end.

Jesus, Heal This Woman

Yesterday’s sermon at church was pretty great, from what I got. Often I am distracted during service in a way that can only be noted as “other Christians bugging me.” This time it was the lady in front of me and her tic. She had either a nervous condition or the world’s worst throat-tickle.
Two short coughs followed by 2-5 low-volume throat clearings. For an hour. For an entire hour. The only time she did not do this was when she was rummaging through her purse near the end of the service, which made me realize this is just a nervous condition.
And the thoughts that went through my head while this went on were exactly those that made me feel as if I needed more church in my hours. Far, far away from that throat leper.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started