Month: November 2012

Work It Out – Simplifying The Basics

I’m in a weird phase now, having joined a gym and going enough to see results, but not so much as to burn out on the people who go there.  The personalities of gym-goers range from “Aggressively Spray-tanned Wide-Backed Renter” to “Scrumptious Bootypacked Stairstepper” to “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT?” to “Keepin’ Sleek at 60.”  We all go for different reasons, but the underlying goal is to ultimately beat The Reaper at his own game. 

I guess that means killing yourself trying to stay healthy?

Anyway… thanks to some information that piqued my sensors (maybe the 2nd time ever using the word “pique”) from a great site I found, BuffDaddio.com, I started a new lifting protocol.  Mike Mentzer’s HIT (High Intensity Training) simplifies all the Sets x Reps x (WeightLifted*DistanceMoved/TimeUnderTension) + Time Staring At Self In Mirror maze of crapola people wade through.  Mentzer’s workouts are all about applying a mindset of FOCUSED INTENSITY for a short period of time to properly perform basic muscle-busting movements.  You squat 255 perfectly, slowly, for 8 reps and you’ll do more for your body than the guy busting out 315 with bad form and 15 half-reps.  Keep it simple, keep it short, keep it moving.  

I love lifting again.  I’m not as strong as I was 8 years ago when I was in a gym every day pretty much.  But I’m getting there.  And I’ve accepted that I don’t NEED to toss iron the way I did when I was in college, throwing shot-put, or trying to attract girls with daddy issues.  I basically want to drop about 50lbs before next June and see 4 of my abs and have some specific measurements.  How does this all come together?  I HAVE ADD, SO BEAR WITH ME. 

Here’s what I’ve found to be the basic principles of the most-loved and “realistic” fitness regimens.  Bodybuilder, athlete, fat-burner, carb lover, busy dad, busier mom, weight-dropping project manager… these are for all of us.  

  1. What you eat is about 80% of your success.  If you eat really cleanly (lean protein, moderate fat, lots of veggies and fruit, low sugar and carbs), your body gets its energy from your stored bodyfat, which you have (sorry you had to find out here).
  2. Eat Protein.  It repairs your muscles and takes energy to metabolize.  Eat Fat.  It makes you feel full and happy and your brain will love you for it.  Eat veggies and fruit.  Vitamin and antioxidants are all up in those.  If you GOTTA HAVE A COOKIE AND PIE AND ICE CREAM, have a little bit of each, once a week.  Then get right the hell back to the good stuff. 
  3. If you’re gonna lift, lift pretty heavy, and keep the workout short.  Short rests between sets.  Compound exercises are best, like deadlifts, squats, presses, and rows.  Start with those, then do your 20lb kickbacks in the Zumba room.
  4. If you’re gonna do cardio, DO CARDIO.  Get your heart POUNDING, not pumping.  Do some HIIT work.  Warm up for a few minutes, get loose.  Then run/row/pedal/elliptical about 90% effort for 15seconds, higher tension or speed or incline.  Then ratchet it down for 45seconds, like you’re on a stroll.  Repeat that cycle about 8-10 times.  Cool down a few minutes.  Boom.  15min of cardio twice a week, and your fat’ll be burning.
  5. Move a little bit every day.  Walk around, stretch, be purposely active.  Especially if you’re sore.
  6. Get as much sleep as you can.  It helps your hormones regulate, weightloss, recovery, and you’re not a complete turd to be around.
  7. Quit stressin’.  Life’s too short.  Exercise to live better and healthier.  If you put in 3 hours of exercise a week, that’s 156 hours a year, or about 6.5 days each year.  If those 6.5 days/year meant that you had another 12 months of great health later in life, would you trade that time in? 

6.5 days of effort = 365 more days of health, love, family, and friends?

Yeah, I’ll take that trade.  Still gonna work to see my gawddamn abs.

To your health!

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Judge Not, Lest… Okay, Ye Judge Me

I judge parents based on the behavior of their child/ren THERE I SAID IT.  Feels good to finally log that one in a place nobody ever sees… 

Oh… 400 readers last week… Okay…

Judging other parents based on their child’s behavior, I am sorry I even invented it.  I feel like such a cornlog for bringing it up.  I do, I judge parents.  I judge them rarely on what their kid is wearing unless the kid’s naked in the mall or it’s a girl dressed like a girl dressed like a 21 year-old pageant contestant.  Behavior says a lot about the kid’s environment.  Heck, my youngest son isn’t walking yet at 1 year-plus-2-days, and I feel like a failure as a sprint coach.  I judge myself most harshly.

I’m sure nobody has judged me, however.  Other parents usually are so very focused on their kid(s) to ever stop and discuss why my son yells “YOU ARE NOT NICE” to kids who take things he was playing with.  It’s taken forever to get him to tone it down to that, once we stopped the eye-gouging and F-bombs.  And to think that if somebody were to take something of yours in adult life you are moderately within your rights to push them to the ground and reclaim your Nook, pushing your glasses up on your nose with a “GOOD DAY, MADAM.”  So knowing I am not being judged makes this even harder to admit to you 5 (over the course of a month) readers.

It’s hard enough raising one kid.  Two adults here, and we were finally into a rhythm after 2 years with ONE.  Then the little guy came along and holy crap, life is 1.6-times more involved.  Not twice as hard, because sniffles and diarrhea aren’t as panic-inducing as with kiddo #1.  But when I see parents with one kid who have decided “Yeah, that’s enough,” I’m somewhat envious of the ease of schedule.  While things are 1.67-times more complex with 2 kids, it’s also upwards of 50 times more awesome to see little kid-brothers play together and laugh together.  It makes my wife’s 49 consolidated hours of labor and extra monthly medical premiums entirely worth it.  So when other people say we have good kids or happy boys, I take that with pride, but also wondering HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN JUDGING MY CHILDREN, you horrific monster?

Parenting brings out the Real You.  It demands something of you that LIFE may have tried to extract, and now that LIFE is in diapers and hungry and Mom’s tuned into the TV and dad’s beer buzz just kicked in.

Or Mom’s scrambling to get that bottle going because dad had to pick up another shift to make some extra cash and mom’s just worn out but another hour and this kid will be sound asleep.  All that kid knows is connection and attention and affection.  All mom and dad know is Take Care Of This Baby!  Love This Baby!

Sorry parents, I don’t mean to judge you.  Most of the time it’s just kids being kids and those kids are pretty awesome.  But the 12 year old in the toddler play area, well, you’re a shitty, inattentive parent whose iPhone5 should be crammed up your ass the wide-and-flat way.  Instagram that. 

Case closed.

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Comment Please

It’s a basic human right that if you have the ability to express yourself, you should be able to express yourself without fear of tyrannical, violent downforce, be it Governmental, Societal, or Cee-Lo.  For real, tho.  However, a growing number of people in society have confused “Right To Speak” with “Cannot Be Judged,” and “Should Not Be Reprimanded Whatsoever.”  These people are either immature, overly-self-empowered, or a high-functioning mentally handicapped (MH) person.  Many of them are probably still in High School, or (insert enemy political party here).

If you want to see what our society really feels, just go to any news story online that allows comments, make sure the story is about politics or has a person of an ethnicity that isn’t WASPy, and have a field day.  Stopping short of using the “N-word” doesn’t show a person is intelligent and well-mannered; it only shows they WANNA USE IT, but aren’t sure if anybody’s got their back.  In the previous paragraph I held back from saying “Retard” because that does offend some people, although I think you can call other people “retarded” if you have a diagnosed (and somewhat obvious) form of what was once referred to as “retardation.”  I would say it’s funnier for a MH to call somebody a “retard,” though not as call as when Daquan calls you “his N-word.”  If he called you his “retard,” that’s a bit much, unless Daquan himself is MH’ed, then he’s probably racist.

So when those comments are posted, or the comments people post on that Instagram picture of your first attempt at rose water-infused, gluten-free competitive cheesecake, make you feel like, golly, you could just rip the fucker’s face off and powershit into their now-lipless mouth-hole, WHAT CAN YOU DO?

  1. Call ’em out.  Fight back a little and defend yourself.  Don’t get defensive, just state your case.  Let their names be known, if you can.  Anonymity is the One Ring That Binds internet comment trolls.
  2. Ignore it.  Lots of trolls out there, who are just trying to start crap and truly have nothing better to do than try and start internet fights.  They breathe in life from making a point of taking time to crap on whatever they can find to crap on.  They have very little originality to offer.  It happens, shrug it off.
  3. Go all-out and get in the fray.  Fire off every word you can think of for every negative comment and let people know you are NOT messing around on your comments section.
  4. Pick Your Battles.  Not everything is worth going to the mat for.  Know what’s off-limits, and let people know, and if they don’t censor themselves, see #3.  Remember the first person to use CAPS LOCK in their reply, loses.

Instead of shrugging off everything, mix it up.  Keep people guessing.  Ignoring stuff is the ultimate self-empowerment.  Some folks, however, do it in real life and that’s inexcusable.  I’ll address how to handle public judgment of others in a future post.  Save yourself the hassle and just buy a boat horn right now, though.

Just remember… fighting on the internet is like being in the Special Olympics…
Find me on Twitter; @glottrules

http://www.geofflottrules.com

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