Judge Not, Lest… Okay, Ye Judge Me

I judge parents based on the behavior of their child/ren THERE I SAID IT.  Feels good to finally log that one in a place nobody ever sees… 

Oh… 400 readers last week… Okay…

Judging other parents based on their child’s behavior, I am sorry I even invented it.  I feel like such a cornlog for bringing it up.  I do, I judge parents.  I judge them rarely on what their kid is wearing unless the kid’s naked in the mall or it’s a girl dressed like a girl dressed like a 21 year-old pageant contestant.  Behavior says a lot about the kid’s environment.  Heck, my youngest son isn’t walking yet at 1 year-plus-2-days, and I feel like a failure as a sprint coach.  I judge myself most harshly.

I’m sure nobody has judged me, however.  Other parents usually are so very focused on their kid(s) to ever stop and discuss why my son yells “YOU ARE NOT NICE” to kids who take things he was playing with.  It’s taken forever to get him to tone it down to that, once we stopped the eye-gouging and F-bombs.  And to think that if somebody were to take something of yours in adult life you are moderately within your rights to push them to the ground and reclaim your Nook, pushing your glasses up on your nose with a “GOOD DAY, MADAM.”  So knowing I am not being judged makes this even harder to admit to you 5 (over the course of a month) readers.

It’s hard enough raising one kid.  Two adults here, and we were finally into a rhythm after 2 years with ONE.  Then the little guy came along and holy crap, life is 1.6-times more involved.  Not twice as hard, because sniffles and diarrhea aren’t as panic-inducing as with kiddo #1.  But when I see parents with one kid who have decided “Yeah, that’s enough,” I’m somewhat envious of the ease of schedule.  While things are 1.67-times more complex with 2 kids, it’s also upwards of 50 times more awesome to see little kid-brothers play together and laugh together.  It makes my wife’s 49 consolidated hours of labor and extra monthly medical premiums entirely worth it.  So when other people say we have good kids or happy boys, I take that with pride, but also wondering HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN JUDGING MY CHILDREN, you horrific monster?

Parenting brings out the Real You.  It demands something of you that LIFE may have tried to extract, and now that LIFE is in diapers and hungry and Mom’s tuned into the TV and dad’s beer buzz just kicked in.

Or Mom’s scrambling to get that bottle going because dad had to pick up another shift to make some extra cash and mom’s just worn out but another hour and this kid will be sound asleep.  All that kid knows is connection and attention and affection.  All mom and dad know is Take Care Of This Baby!  Love This Baby!

Sorry parents, I don’t mean to judge you.  Most of the time it’s just kids being kids and those kids are pretty awesome.  But the 12 year old in the toddler play area, well, you’re a shitty, inattentive parent whose iPhone5 should be crammed up your ass the wide-and-flat way.  Instagram that. 

Case closed.

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About Geoff Lott

Geoff Lott is a "thinking person's comedian" as much as a "drinking person's comedian." Born and raised near Seattle, his writing and comedy is Cloudy with a Chance of Hope. Less offensive than your average nightly news program, Geoff is opinionated with intent, and a rebel without a clause. A comedian, actor, dad, husband, co-worker, weirdo, and great friend, Geoff Lott has a sense of humor like a sommelier's sense of smell; aged well, with a hint of dark chocolate, Irish whiskey, and leather. Credits and press kit available upon request!
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One Response to Judge Not, Lest… Okay, Ye Judge Me

  1. Don Henrikson says:

    Mom H. here . Don and i enjoy reading your blog, Blog , this is the first time i have ever used that word. luv u

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