Internet Mosh Pit – Weird, Funny, Annoying Stories – Body Lab, Baby Gone Bad, Bugged by Ebola, Be It Ever So Humble

UK SCIENTISTS MAKE BODY PARTS IN LAB – More men putting in orders for a longer… well…

I like this technology. I like this marriage of biology and humanitarian efforts (lost a nose to a chimp attack? here ya go!).  Eventually somebody will donate their kid’s umbilical cord blood’s stem cells for research into curing a family member’s illness.  Debates will rage over whether or not stem cells from embryos – a long-standing point of contention with Right-To-Lifers – should be made available to those same Pro-Lifers when they think they need stem cells to cure their children of homosexuality. 
And I’d bet that a high number of pervs are already squirrelled away in a corner lab growing their own fleshbot for reasons too BLAAACGHHGH to mention here.

PAKISTANI BABY ON THE RUN AFTER BEING CHARGED WITH THE CUTEST ATTEMPTED MURDER EVER

“Baby Musa Khan was charged with attempted murder along with his father and grandfather after a mob angered by gas cuts and price increases turned violent, throwing stones at police and gas employees trying to collect bills. Apparently, the baby was slapped with the charge when a victim complained that the whole family had beaten him up. The complaint was taken very literally.”

I know we’re not supposed to judge another culture without being inside for a significant amount of time, and being inculcated with its ways and laws and morals, and being afraid of repercussions from authorities if we DO speak out…. but f*ck these guys.  F*cking f*ck their ass-backwards laws and how they treat their women and the inability to trudge into even the 19th century from a societal perspective. 

BUGGING OUT OVER EBOLA IN AFRICA

Ebola’s a bad one, guys. It starts off annoyingly enough with hiccups, then profuse bleeding, circulatory shock, and then you turn the corner and FINALLY die.  It seems like a snakebite reaction. Loss of control internal bleeding, then ya drop and a snake or a lion eats you. 
Worried you may get it?  Well, don’t travel to West Africa for a while, and if you are there, don’t eat any of the following animal meats, cooked over a coffee-can fire or not…

  • Antelope
  • Bat
  • Squirrel
  • Porcupine
  • Monkey

HOUSING IS OUT OF CONTROL ALMOST AGAIN

I live outside of Seattle, but I can see it if I get up a tree high enough, so I am in the Seattle area.  The ability to buy a house is getting tougher again through no fault of my own.  As we align our finances for a down payment and inspections and escrow and gawddam remodels and renting out our condon’t, I see how the market is slowing down as supply and demand battle it out.  People aren’t moving as much because there isn’t much to choose from… So there isn’t much to choose from, and people aren’t moving as much… because…

What I do see are homes being sold at $700K+, sitting empty for a year.  Dozens of them in one development.  And more over there… and more down there… So while some people come in and bump their asking price up ($350K for a 1450sq-ft home with no yard? WHERE DO I SIGN UP MY KID’S COLLEGE MONEY?) due to falsely elevated property values, I understand why people eventually just leave the area.  Why give a bank more money than you ought to for a badly-valued item? 

BECAUSE YOU CAN’T LIVE IN 983sq-ft of splendor forever.

Image

Seattle, WA, 1998 

Advertisements

About Geoff Lott

Geoff Lott is a "thinking person's comedian" as much as a "drinking person's comedian." Born and raised near Seattle, his writing and comedy is Cloudy with a Chance of Hope. Less offensive than your average nightly news program, Geoff is opinionated with intent, and a rebel without a clause. A comedian, actor, dad, husband, co-worker, weirdo, and great friend, Geoff Lott has a sense of humor like a sommelier's sense of smell; aged well, with a hint of dark chocolate, Irish whiskey, and leather. Credits and press kit available upon request!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s