There’s a challenge out there to write every day in November, and seeing as how my last post was a cookie recipe before the FBI started bringing people in, I suppose I should do something.
I have a joke in my act about the “Assisted Suicide” law in Washington state. I suppose it’s not a “law,” you don’t HAVE TO do it, as if there was a Yelp-like site where enough people could all post reviews of why it’s your time and they’re happy to help. It’s legally labeled as the “Death With Dignity Act.” You can take advantage of a medically-evaluated, doctor-assisted, relatively peaceful exit from this mortal plane. So, if you’re in a state of incurable pain, or terminal illness which a health insurance racket/provider will drain you financially for, or you’ve been convinced by a few family members, you can take up this option.
First, there are a lot of ways to make your exit. This is a very clean and controlled one. I think if you had a real friend, they’d probably talk you out of this, but more on that later. This has too many possible breakage points. For example, out of 234 people who took this option in Washington state in 2016, there were 4 participants that did not align with a death certificate. Did they live? What happened? Because if you think you’re going to finally receive the painless embrace of Eternal Sleep, and wake up groggy with all that illness hammering away in you, well I’d surely be writing quite the letter to my doctor.
The doc would be pretty shocked, I imagine, seeing you in the waiting room looking pretty good for a dead person. I’d be telling everyone in the waiting room “Oh really, you have a headache for 3 days? Good luck, this guy – YEAH, YOU, TIM – couldn’t even kill me last Saturday. YES, Carol, I am a walk-in because I didn’t think I would NEED TO MAKE A FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT FOR MY DEATH.”
Plus, there are far better, more majestic exits to take. I suggest doing it near your place of employment, like on a Tuesday, to give your friends a few days off to grieve and get paid. Don’t hoard it all in a comfy robe in the guest room.
- Human Catapult + Live Heavy Metal Band.
That’s all I got. I guess “dignity” is different for everyone. Anyway, be well.