Kids Can Be Jerks

Some kids are just dickheads. It’s amazing to see kids at 10 already being dickheads, but it’s there. When redirecting or reprimanding a kid, the last thing I used to expect was some sort of reply starting with “But we were just…” or “We don’t have to…”

I don’t care what you were “just,” that’s my couch and get your disgusting feet the fuck off of it. You just earned a 6 month ban from my house. Go wait outside for your parents, with your weird eyes.

You do have to, if you don’t want me to tell your parents, and then launch a thinly-veiled campaign against your availability for playdates. I’ll bury your social calendar in the stories of your bullshit backtalk. I’ll propaganda your ass right into a Summer of staring at the walls, you red-headed, sucker-punching, hat-stealing pre-prison ass clown. See you 8 months if you haven’t been transferred to a state-run juggling camp.

Quit being scared of kids. Start slapping consequences on them. Tell them loudly they aren’t being spanked, they’re being excluded from fun. Kill their video games. Win.

Advertisements

About Geoff Lott

Geoff Lott is a "thinking person's comedian" as much as a "drinking person's comedian." Born and raised near Seattle, his writing and comedy is Cloudy with a Chance of Hope. Less offensive than your average nightly news program, Geoff is opinionated with intent, and a rebel without a clause. A comedian, actor, dad, husband, co-worker, weirdo, and great friend, Geoff Lott has a sense of humor like a sommelier's sense of smell; aged well, with a hint of dark chocolate, Irish whiskey, and leather. Credits and press kit available upon request!
This entry was posted in Coaching, Interactions, Parenting and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s