Pay To Pay To Play

Youth Sports. It’s come a long way since the days I started in the late 1970s. Dirt fields behind the cement-block elementary school (Camelot Elementary in Federal Way). Path-worn baseball diamonds at Steel Lake. Basketball rims. Cul-de-sacs that doubled as Fenway Park or Yankee Stadium in the minds of youngsters trying to crush vented plastic balls or tennis balls in to the Kepkie’s yard (automatic homer), but usually fouled it off into the Ray’s garage (horrible people with an aggressive Doberman and body odor). Recreational, city-sponsored leagues handing out hats and t-shirts that I would cling to as if they were the road unis for game 3 of World Series.

That stuff is GONE. O. VER. If you want your kid to get on the field and build a highlight reel, there’s an entirely different, over-the-top path to stardom now. You could still sign McKinsley up for tee-ball through the parks center. If you want to sign Rykkor onto a local soccer club via the Y, now’s the time; registration fees go up in 2 days for the Spring 2025 season! Don’t forget to put some money aside from every paycheck to cover these fees, usually in excess of $100 for a boxy t-shirt and a foam-front trucker cap. You CAN do those things… if you don’t care about your kid’s future in athletics.

OR… or you can look at local clubs, privately owned and operated away from the prying audits of city and state officials. Whatever sport you want your kid to dedicate their time and your money to, it’s available. You can also pay around $750 for 3 months of 1 practice & 1 game/week against a handful of kids who are pretty good, and a handful of kids who are scared of the ball. Yes, you can do this even if your child is in a school that offers multiple interscholatic sports. Yes, your child can play multiple sports at one time. Yes, there is no discount for being in multiple sports. No, there are no college scholarships for kids in these programs, no matter how good they are at tying their shoes in the middle of a game with the offense bearing down. You, as a parent or guardian, should have direct control over your kid’s involvement in sports, and the more you pay the BETTER the kid will be, right?

Oh… oh dear friend. No. That’s not true. This is not a business anymore. This is an industry. By 2026, one study projected that Youth Sports will be at $77.6 billion. By comparison, the juggernaut NFL is $15 billion. Feel it yet? Are you clocking the gravity of Youth Sports? Because it’s no longer mainly for kids to participate just for the FUN of it. It’s for kids to develop more quickly with sport-specific training at young ages (yes, I have known a 10 year old who left kid parties to work their PITCHING COACH), and if not sports, then it’s specialized Physical Conditioning.

“Worldwide $24.9 billion youth sports markets are poised to achieve significant growth as travel teams become more popular and families learn to enjoy time together during a weekend sporting event. Enormous market efficiency is being achieved as youth and recreational teams move to automated process. Apps can be used to book hotels and make travel arrangements.” – Youth Sports Market Projected to Reach $77.6 Billion by 2026

BILLIONS of dollars being spent for kids to be on teams that travel out of state to compete in tournaments in order to say they, uh, played in that tournament or maybe even won it? Great. It’s going to take up a lot of family time. Multiple games during tournament weekends. Road trips. Hotels, airfare, meals – none of which are are paid for by the team, usually – to watch kids whose voices have yet to change play other teams from around the nation. To what end?

Having seen just a small piece of what a “pay to play” league looks like in the past 8 months I have some deep, and possibly mis-targeted, feelings about what families are really signing up for. I might be totally off base and out of line in my observations. I could be expressing some sort of PTSD or unresolved anger at what I witnessed in the recent past.

But the goal of writing about this is to inform people of the changes in sports that the professionals of tomorrow are involved in today. We might not see the best players of the crop. Instead, we might see the kids whose families had the best credit scores to help their kids learn to throw an off-speed pitch in lieu of celebrating their friend’s birthday.

For the record, when that kid was told he had to leave the party for pitching practice, he showed off some incredible arm strength by whipping his left shoe directly at his father’s crotch. What fun.

May 28, 2023 0

Restart My Blart

There are so many things going on that I want to write about, things I can’t quite get all aligned and assigned in my head to get out through my hands. The past 6 months have been intense, busy, good, and fun, for the most part. Youth sports, work, product development, family, stress, illnesses, deaths… so, Life, basically.

We’re here in February (Feb-ya-wair-ee) already and sooner or later I should post something or get rid of this site. So I’ll get into the flow again soon and write. My attitude towards all of this has changed a lot because of social media and how I (mis)perceive other people’s perceptions of me. I have some outrage because I have been paying attention, to reword that bumper sticker I haven’t seen in a while. The other bumper sticker that makes me angry is the “STUDENT DRIVER – PLEASE BE PATIENT.” Oh gawd, come on. Student Driver in TESLA, eat farts. I had to learn in a 5-speed Datsun KingCab pickup truck, NO STICKER. Coddling the youth, yes, let’s continue… I think some people are just bad drivers and pasted a sticker on to throw people off the trail of their inability to navigate the roads.

ANYway, I have a lot more to get off my hands in the near future, but I’ll leave with this; if you have any sort of feelings about Education, Youth Sports, or Wanting To Throw Hatchets Into The Halls of Congress, stay tuned! Should be a good year!

Stay weird.

February 7, 2023 0

A Winter Break

Good gawd this drawn-out, long-ass, ridiculous-or-necessary lockdown is doing in our minds. At some point the return to whatever the next Normal will be us going to be a bit unwieldy, and I foresee people having reunions with old and new acquaintances ranging from “big dog happy pouncing” to “half-circling with a hand hovering over our phones in case this isn’t working.” Both are valid. And Washington state is now traipsing towards a re-opening, so getting back to “normal” is going to look like when Martin Luther King, Jr. hoped people be judged “on the content of their character”; not everyone is ready for that.

Coming out of the Winter/Holiday/Christmas break was much needed. On the horizon is “mid-Winter Break” which was also the unreleased Sting album that was to coincide with a Seth Rogen rom-com which Zoe Saldana dropped out of. MWB is the break between the Holidays and Spring Break to keep parents guessing as to what else they’re supposed to do to occupy their family’s time 6 weeks after 2 weeks of at least being able to look forward to Christmas. Not this time.

And hey… which Maker of Rules decided that families have to “go somewhere” every time a dead hero’s birthday rolls up? It reminds me of the time an exasperated friend of mine told her tale of woe on Martin Luther King, Jr. day about being unable to find a theater that was playing… “Selma“?
No…
“Paddington.” Bummer, Tina.

So now things change up a bit. I have a new schedule each day, and it’s quickly showing me how important my time with my kids has been. As I get back to work here soon I am condensing everything I feel is a loose end and managing the fact that I’m not going to be as available as I have been for the last 7 months. After all this time off, I need a break.

January 30, 2021 0

Summer Camp: Money, Well… Spent

As a parent, I’m far beyond ready for the kids to go back to school. This is ridiculous. The only people happy about these extended breaks are teachers (whom I respect and support) and Summer Camp Counselors (who usually are teens just killing time for $12/hr and it shows). Everyone else who loves it are either over-joyed, under-lied Youth Pastors or childless couples with tons of vacation time to burn.

This Summer has been the campiest, busiest one we’ve had in a while, for unconventional reasons. My wife has gone back in school to finish a degree in Interior Design, and she’s getting A’s! The earlier classes she’s been in are hands-on art-heavy classes, and as the self-labeled “creative one” in the family, I’m waaaay behind her and my older son’s art work this Summer. I think I might have come up with a new joke about my car looking like a crime scene, but overall it’s been a fallow Summer for me.

Busy-ness-wise, we’ve played more mini-golf than usual, which I love. I love putt-putt! GUILTY QUEEEEEEN! Or whatever people say to be “whatever” about stuff. My kids are about to wrap up their 3rd Summer camp of the season, and then we’re done. Over $2K spent for 3 weeks of the following experiences:

Mini-golf – playing on 3 courses in 4 days, so they doubled-up, half-day camp
Soccer – skills were at the lowest skill-level of campers, so we didn’t really get better, half-day camp
Piano – they learned a few scales and such but overall didn’t learn much, half-day camp
Flag football – both kids played on championship-level teams in the Spring so this was NOT a camp of “betterment” and some other issues I’ll address in a sec, half-day camp
Flag football/Soccer/Baseball camp – This is the final week happening right now. So far I’ve heard they have to hit off a tee, haven’t run any particular plays, and haven’t worked on any soccer skills. All day in the heat and they’re looking rough.

So what’s the gripe? I’d like to know that when they go to camps that they come home with some skills other than “finding which kids have untethered ADHD” and “not being that impressed with the camp.” I can’t blame them; these are all run through local churchy organizations or sporty spots, but nothing super-focused on THE ELITE LEVEL OF CONDITIONING YOUR ELEMENTARY AGE CHILDREN! But for the love of laziness, some of these camps aren’t even trying.

I know this is a very “white” complaint, believe me. I try to not throw the “guilt-quilt” over any of the kids’ experiences – “Well, I never got to do cool Learn To Cast Spells camps when I was a kid because my parents were lazy asses” – because it’s not their fault if the camp isn’t killing it. If nothing else, they’re getting a lot of exercise, plenty of bath time at night, and they’ve been crashing hard at night. But I get that they don’t love Summer Camp. There are others we tried to get into, turns out those suck, too.

Our friends sent their kids to a week-long NERF Battle Camp, with blasters and swords and such. I hosted a birthday party like this once and it was a shitfire. Everyone getting shot in the face or up-close, darts to the junk, total chaos. And that camp report was “Lame. There was only one day of Capture The Flag.” I hear ya. Every day of life is capturing flags, young ‘in.

When I was 10, I went to this ridiculous horse riding/pool/craft camp for 3 of the 5 days I was supposed to. On day 3, one of the counselors – a guy in his mid-30’s with a cigarette behind his ear and severely receding hairline – called me “fatso” on front of the whole camp, and I was like “F*ck this guy.” If you’re trashing the kids of the parents who pay for what’s probably your work-release program, there’s not a lot else I can do at 10 to thrash your day-to-day. Not sure what happened to that guy. I’m sure the police were involved.

But sending kids to camp puts them in somewhat unfamiliar situations, which you can help them grow in to working at. Learning to adapt and go with the flow in a different place is about 50% of life’s requirement of success. The others include being attractive and having some sort of water craft. When I hear parents say they have “nothing” planned for their kid’s Summer, I’m astounded, if they aren’t traveling a lot. Or if the kid’s secretly a SuperHero. But I doubt the kid’s saving lives and stopping MegaVillains when they keep putting their shoes on the wrong feet and pinching their ween instead of just going to the restroom. Leaving a kid to do “nothing” during the Summer is just lazy. I understand there are financial barriers for some families. If there aren’t, a kid at home all Summer is basically just a dormant seed waiting to bloom into the same flower that left school in June.

At least put a golf club in their cheese-powdered hands for a week, get some putting work in.

August 15, 2019 0

Carry-On Luggage

It’s been forever since I wrote anything. I have lacked energy, motivation, insight, and probably time to do so. But honestly, I have the time, I just burn it doing unproductive crap like working or yard work. Or phone-scrolling like a laboratory crack-monkey. The motivation has been there, sometimes, but I’m not feeling too inspired lately. Then I read something, I think it was Carl Jung’s quote… (hey, Geoff, an easy way to confirm that is go to on the internet and see if this is true…)

“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.”

I have plenty of work to do, but man, Jung was a pretty deep dude.

His insight into the duality of human existence, of overcoming our greatest fears or darkest corners by admitting them and confronting them, led me to a lot of introspection in my 20’s. In my late-20’s, I had what was probably close to what they call a “quarter-life crisis.” Did a lot of therapy at that time, a lot of looking way back to my childhood to understand why I was in a cycle of friendships and relationships that stagnated. The only constant in those scenarios was Me, so however it played out, I had the same role every time. It was a great step forward to gain understanding of my own behavioral drives.

“His retreat into himself is not a final renunciation of the world, but a search for quietude, where alone it is possible for him to make his contribution to the life of the community.”

Fast-forward to 2019. Recently spent a fair amount of time with some people who, frankly, are carrying a lot of old shit around. And not just carrying it, but leaning it onto other people, unconsciously, because that’s what they have to offer. I don’t think it’s malicious, their leaning. There’s no reflection of whether or not it’s beneficial to carry it, and thus, no wondering if it helps to blurt out their “take” on a situation. Because some of the stuff I saw and heard was straight-up bullshit, bigoted, short-sighted, and/or stupid.

“I have always been impressed by the fact that there are a surprising number of individuals who never use their minds if they can avoid it, and an equal number who do use their minds, but in an amazingly stupid way.”

When I was 10 or 11, I had a great interest in biology and how animals were created and grew. I wondered how 2 kids from the same parents could look vastly different. I loved animals. I told my mom I thought it would be cool to be a veterinarian some day. She asked me…

“Do you think if someone brought you a sick animal that you could put it to sleep?”

So in this conversation about something not happening, in theory, for 20 years, I have to handle the hardest part of the work before I ever start? Whatever place of reality that came from, it wasn’t encouraging. I’m not a veterinarian. I didn’t share much with my mom about my hopes after that. Subconsciously I didn’t see trust there.

“We are not what happened to us, we are what we wish to become.”

Recently we’ve been working a lot on the Growth Mindset with our kids, and the teams I coach. It’s more about understanding that putting in effort leads to success, mistakes are OK but quitting is not, and taking time daily to reflect on what went well, and what we can change. This doesn’t mean we eschew dwelling in reality so that we never feel bad or think we screwed up, cranking Disney soundtracks and polishing our participation trophies. It means we focus on what’s working, praise the effort that went it a good outcome, and admit that we can get better.

So when I’m around negativity, which for some people is a default selection in their menu – to find fault everywhere and constantly express how people around them would be happier if they’d just listen to advice – I quickly tire of that cycle. I see a person who is insecure and needs validation. I see a person who is hurt and can’t or won’t heal. I see someone who needs to be listened to, but can’t ask for help. There’s a part of all of us that is flawed, imperfect, mottled, cracked, or dark. It’s a part we’re not all happy with, and most of us would never allow the world to see it. But it’s part of being Human. I’m a wreck sometimes, the way my brain processes the smallest issues while accepting horrible events.

“The reason for evil in the world is that people are not able to tell their stories.”

There are times when these people would steer conversations towards things they knew a lot about. Which is fine. But not everyone knows a lot about, let’s say, the compression ratios of indirect injection in diesel engines (it ranges from 18:1 to 24:1, but you go lower and you’re gonna bonk it out). And it’s not a lively discussion when one person has to talk about that for a long time after being told what’s-what about tariffs with China and how that impacts American spending from across the dinner table. And then they point out “Geoff’s tuned out, he doesn’t know shit about diesel engines.” True on both accounts.

There were a few times when, having pointed out, quietly, that what I was hearing from these people – complaints about how other people did their job, how other people spent their money, how other people lived their lives (even though it had zero outward impact) – was just dead-weight negatives, I was told to “not make a thing of it.” I wasn’t making a thing of it, but I’m not going to NOT put up a boundary on my good time. Life is far too short. Don’t crap in a punchbowl and call me impolite for drinking from my flask. Don’t crap in a punchbowl, period.

“Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life.”

Instead of carrying it all around, everywhere we go, I think it’s far more beneficial to admit we carry some ugly luggage. Start there. We lie to ourselves, tell ourselves things are fine while our ears are bleeding, refuse to admit we have to make a change, etc. And the luggage gets heavier. It takes more strength to put it down and open it up than it does to keep carrying it. Nobody can see it, usually. So it just looks like somebody struggling to get through the day; the baggage is invisible, but the weight of it is evident.

And the closer we are to letting go of that stuff, the more some people get uncomfortable. They don’t understand that dragging it around isn’t part of Life, it’s part of Stagnation and Death. I hope I can keep choosing introspection and reflection over wallowing.

“Every step closer to my soul excites the scornful laughter of my devils, those cowardly ear-whisperers and poison-mixers.”

May 15, 2019 0

Ten Years Past The Day He Left This Place

I am very thankful for today. It has been a decade since my dad passed on. His grandchildren have grown quite a bit, though he never met them on this level. We still talk to my sons about Papa Gerry. He would have loooved being a grandpa. LOVED IT. I am thankful I was born to him. He was 65.

It was awful and unfair to watch him go. My mom’s strength and faith and grace carried the little boy in me that sobbed when I’d get back in the car after visiting him at the care facility he was moved to. It was better for all of us. He had been wandering away from home, usually to church, and usually during the middle of the week. It was unsafe and harrowing. My mom had the right and hard decisions.

I am thankful today because of how he Parented. Those years I had with him, not knowing they were so gravely important to who I was trying to become. The lessons I have from his examples of parenting are numerous and pop up like pre-programmed cues when my kids start acting up. He was being Dad, and probably a Teacher. Sometimes he was far too easy on me. Other times he played it so straight for discipline, and I was so disappointed in myself for disappointing him, that the lesson seared itself into my DNA. I am grateful he did it his way.

In the 10 years since he died, I have seen some of the most amazing achievements that I think he would have been proud of. I have worked on major projects that millions of mobile phone users take part in. I met and married the perfect-for-me Woman, a fiercely strong and beautiful spirit in a gorgeous human. I performed for thousands of people at the Moore Theatre in Seattle, and the Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery ahead of Earth, Wind and Fire. I have coached 3 different sports for dozens of kids. I have two healthy, happy, hilarious boys that he would have loved to sit back and laugh with and about. It’s been a great 10 years. I wish he had been here for it.

I am thankful today, for my days. It was a beautiful Fall day in Kirkland. My boys and I walked from our house to their school about a half-mile away, picking up garbage along the way. We found a lot of cigarette butts, mini bottles of vodka (empty, sadly), and a lot of Halloween candy wrappers. We played soccer for the 2nd day in a row, and snacked up in between the game and walking home. I hopped in for a couple rounds of Xbox-ing. It was a great day. I wish their Papa Gerry were here to be part of any of it. But I carry him with me, so in a way, he is. I am grateful that I was his son. I was very lucky.

November 18, 2018 1

Writer’s Blah

I have nothing to really write about… to REALLY write about. Nothing. I have a lot of these little frustrations and nits I could wax on about. But it sounds like griping, and the time for the Straight White Male’s Gripe has passed. Oh shit, this guy at work uses the word “past” in place of “passed” and that drives me up the ass. And before you say I’m a “grammar Nazi” (why did WordPress auto-capitalize Nazi?), you need to reign that in. I’m not saying I want to round up and exterminate people who consistently mis-use phrases and cause confusion due to a lack of punctuation. I’m just saying that publicly flogging people for a lack of attention to proper use of language shouldn’t be a thing of the passed.

Did your brain feel like it shorted out for a sec? Yeah, sucks, doesn’t it?

Recently a guy I used to work with noted the passing of he and his wife’s 15 year-old fluffball dog, Pomeranian I think, on social media. I know that sucks. Losing a furry pet – that isn’t my cat – of any tenure will always truly suck. The gushing over their “little man” and how much he’ll be missed, and the magic he brought to their lives, was pretty stomach-turning, though. He and his wife chose to not have kids, and instead spend their lives traveling the world with stops back in America to work at software, inc. and rack up a 6-figure salary on a yearly basis. That’s great, and more power to them for choosing that path. Life’s larger challenges can be amplified via perspective. And perhaps it’s my having 2 kids and playing the roles of parent, teacher, doctor, gastroenterologist, party planner, fashion consultant, dietician, triage nurse, coach, team mate, chauffeur, pharmacist, meal planner, and intergalactic foe for them which has me in a totally different headspace than a dog-dedicated family resides in. I know, I’m an asshole about some things, I know this. Dog’s are sweet companions of families and can teach many lessons about Life. And they can be replaced after one passes, and barely anybody thinks that’s bad or weird, and might even attract more than a few kudos. I don’t think it works the same for children.

Humor can be hard sometimes.

September 21, 2018 0

Kids Can Be Jerks

Some kids are just dickheads. It’s amazing to see kids at 10 already being dickheads, but it’s there. When redirecting or reprimanding a kid, the last thing I used to expect was some sort of reply starting with “But we were just…” or “We don’t have to…”

I don’t care what you were “just,” that’s my couch and get your disgusting feet the fuck off of it. You just earned a 6 month ban from my house. Go wait outside for your parents, with your weird eyes.

You do have to, if you don’t want me to tell your parents, and then launch a thinly-veiled campaign against your availability for playdates. I’ll bury your social calendar in the stories of your bullshit backtalk. I’ll propaganda your ass right into a Summer of staring at the walls, you red-headed, sucker-punching, hat-stealing pre-prison ass clown. See you 8 months if you haven’t been transferred to a state-run juggling camp.

Quit being scared of kids. Start slapping consequences on them. Tell them loudly they aren’t being spanked, they’re being excluded from fun. Kill their video games. Win.

May 22, 2018 0

The Value of a Village

It’s been said and published and possibly pushed off to the side, but “it takes a village to raise a child.” If you’re not sure what that entails, the basics are as follows:
1. You and your child(ren) are part of a community, like it or not.
2. You and your child(ren) will interact on a nearly daily basis with that community.
3. The community will influence, and possibly instruct you and your child(ren) on how to live in that community, like it or not.
4. If all goes well, the influence and instruction are beneficial to the mental and physiological well-being and safety of all members of the community.

This doesn’t presume that the Village is always correct in all facets of thinking, nor steered by a reasonably-moral compass. Inversely, if all (or enough) goes badly, you find yourself in a barter community ruled by vigilant, self-absorbed despots who value strict order over neighborliness.

But enough about your local HOA…

As this article is titled, yes, I am parenting your kid. “I” is me, in this case, but “I” could be any parent, or adult of influence. A teacher, perhaps. A coach, for sure. A neighbor who hires local kids to yank weeds and rake leaves for a couple sawbucks an hour, absolutely. Kevin’s mom. Shalea’s dads. Derek’s step-parents. All of us, influencing kids. We’re all in a position to be influencing the development of kids if we’re around them on a semi-regular basis. And we should be.

I’ve been around enough kids to know when they crave attention, and how they can seek it. I sit here writing this after a double playdate, siblings hosting siblings here, and half of the visiting team is a boundary pusher. Within 15 minutes of arrival, I was told by an 8 year old that my video games suck. Not long after, after educating him on a safety issue regarding the use of NERF blasters (Rule 1, No close shots), was told that I was “being a hater.” I stared at him in the face. His challenge back to me was a stare. Here’s a kid waiting to see what that will get him. Well, he gets my attention.

I took the blaster away, and reminded him that it’s okay to play a bit rough but we have to take care of each other. And that nobody hates anybody who plays by the rules. And that the next time he does it he can’t come back to the house without his parents, who will be told of his behavior afterwards. Wow. His eyes got big. Then I took out my notepad and jotted something in it. He asked what I wrote… sI truly don’t care if your kid is in my house, a playground, my yard, a flag fooball squad I’m coaching, or a touring theatrical troupe’s presentation of “Hamilton, Jr.”, disrespect is bullshit, and will be met as such.

So yes, I step in and correct what I see when I see it. If I know the kid’s name(s) I’ll address them directly. I’m not trying to overstep any other parenting; it starts inside-out and as a coach I know that external yelling can hurt the process (your kid is playing over there because they LIKE to play there, not to embarrass you, which you’re doing fine at yourself). To use a nearly tired-out phrase, I “adult” when they “kid” so everyone stays within the rules of safe play. Rough-housing is fine if all the kids are into it. But sometimes a kid is swinging a stick that is dangerously too dangerous for this particular session of Flyer’s Up, and somebody really ought to put that stick where it belongs.

For the record, Capt. Talkback has been demoted to PFC Bigmouth and is barred from the grounds until further notice. His parents were notified. And each time he asks, or is brought up as a possible invitee, I’ll remind whomever is within earshot that manners maketh playdates. Likewise, I tell other parents and adults to correct my kid’s behavior that might hurt somebody else, break rules, or worst of all, embarrass me or my wife. Kids are Kids, and I’m not trying to mitigate their natural playful (sometimes criminal) instincts, but they need to have reinforced boundaries, too. Nobody’s perfect, but a village only needs so many idiots.

April 1, 2018 0

Category: Parenting