Tag: Geoff

Having a Second Baby – A Preview

My wife’s about 11months pregnant right now, and we are beyond ready for this new baby to arrive. Even while our first one is off & on crying in his room instead of SLEEPING THE HELL OUT OF THE NIGHT, we’re pretty happy about the pending arrival. In the preceding months there have been a few discussions with other parents and friends about a 2nd baby. The best way to summarize these talks is “Mostly positive but it’s okay to shut your noisehole.” It’s amazing that some people believe simply having an opinion and a voice make either of them valid in everybody else’s world.

I have seen a lot of seemingly unsolicited voicing of the sentiment “WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP PROCREATING?!” and “I don’t want a baby ever, OMG, what would I do with all the random dick walking around my apartment?!” Hey, kids force you into a role you aren’t really ever ready for, but if your heart’s in the right place, you get ready pretty quickly. In the meantime, you realize that maybe all that dick isn’t in your best interest. Sucks to have your priorities, morals, and ideals shuffled for you. Life will do it if you don’t.

As for kids in restaurants, I feel really sorry for people who hate it when a kid saunters in and makes a little ruckus. Those poor folks think they have the right to a fancy, quiet dinner at Olive Garden! Hey, money-poor assholes, save up a few more bucks and eat elsewhere or head to the bar. The parents are doing the best we can to keep that kid under control, the good ones among us leave if the kid’s losing it, and it sucks ten times as much for us. So keep your stink-eye for your doctor when they say “Hey, how about a little less dick in your life?”

Sure, there are people who do NOT want kids. Some of them already have kids. Some of them don’t want the intrusion into their life of work, school, extended adolescence, I CANNOT FUCKING CONCENTRATE WHEN DANCING WITH THE STARS IS ON, promiscuity, drunken camping, and/or Crossfitting. Other people just don’t have the drive to procreate. Why can I still hear the judge’s scores, AND getting questions about what I’m doing? Leave me alone, I’m talking about how great our life is… faaaaawk…

So here’s the deal…
We’re parents. We parent. We are a family. We aren’t hobbyists when it comes to child-rearing. We’re sold on the idea of soccer practices, sports camps, play-dates, reading books to our kids 20 times a day, and major life prioritization. That’s for us to deal with. When I hear (from a few people) “Man, we think just the 1 kid is too much,” we already know that doing it well for just 1 kid – as there’s no real “Right” way – is hard enough. But we wanted another kid.
And our 2 kids will someday replace the scores of people who don’t want kids. Hell, they’ll replace US. And when the anti-kid folks grow old and diaper-filling, I will present to my kids a list of their names, and say “Yeah, they didn’t want to add to the generation that is now alive to help them in their final days.”

All I can hope is that we’ve taught them to do the right thing and stay out of other people’s business.

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Jesus, Heal This Woman

Yesterday’s sermon at church was pretty great, from what I got. Often I am distracted during service in a way that can only be noted as “other Christians bugging me.” This time it was the lady in front of me and her tic. She had either a nervous condition or the world’s worst throat-tickle.
Two short coughs followed by 2-5 low-volume throat clearings. For an hour. For an entire hour. The only time she did not do this was when she was rummaging through her purse near the end of the service, which made me realize this is just a nervous condition.
And the thoughts that went through my head while this went on were exactly those that made me feel as if I needed more church in my hours. Far, far away from that throat leper.

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Review – Tom’s Of Maine Toothpaste – Adults & Kids

I’ve been screwed a number of ways.  Besides the traditional screw-job (voter’s remorse), I often get screwed by products.  In this instance, my wife has purchased 2 versions of Tom’s Of Maine’s toothpaste.  Our first purchase was a few years ago.  That tube of colorless gel lingered, 7/8ths full, for well over 8 months.  She bought it out of concerns while pregnant, in that everything entering the home and/or her body must be of the utmost naturalness.  Once she broke down and mowed through a chili cheesedog and fries at the Mel’s Diner in Hollywood… stupid asshats at the Ben Harper show behind Jimmy Kimmel Live! kind of drove that decision.  But, I digress…

The adult version we had was the Flouride-free, anti-plaque and whitening tubal.  Just found out there’s a “Fennel” flavor, if you’re not getting enough licorice in your post-coffee mornings.  This didn’t work for us.  While expecting a mouth feeling fresh, or at the very least, free of residue, OPPOSITE DAY!
The lack of enough flavor is actually a flavor.  It’s where your nose thinks “mint” but your mouth is all “did I just think mint?”  So your olfactory and taste senses immediately disagree and walk off to the corner.
What you’re then left with is the feeling in your mouth of what may be slug gel.  It’s a clear gel but somehow still kind of gritty.  I’m not sure if it curdled after a while, but I’m wondering if we should have kept it as an option of recaulking some tub & tile corners.  Never finished the tube.

So, following a tradition of Hoping Against Knowledge, my wife recently bought Tom’s Children’s Flouride-Free Toothpaste.  Now we’re out about $8 on these products.  My 2year-old son is staunchly anti-Tom’s.  When he finished grimacing at the taste of it and jabbing at my eye with is tiny, adorable toofbert (his word), he began gnawing at the door trim to remove his teeth.  After calming him down with some Thomas & Friends on SproutTV, we dry-brushed his teeth, and used the rest of the toothpaste to fill nailholes in our crownmolding.

So anywho, no thanks, Tom’s.  I don’t know if Maine’s lacking a variety of toothpastes, but these just ain’t gonna do the trick.
Perhaps at least SOME animal testing, perhaps on humans, would help.

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