Tag: Justice

The Ray/Lee Files IX: It’s Not A Coincidence

For years now I have had a weird fascination with how certain middle names align with certain crimes. I noticed that people with the middle names of “Ray” or “Lee” seem to perpetrate an inordinate number of crimes, and usually, the more heinous in nature are those crimes. That’s not to say everyone with either of those middle names HAS or WILL commit a heinous crime. Just saying that when I see a crime like “Man accused of poisoning step-sister at Easter brunch” or some-such, I always click in to see what the guy’s name is. The accused’s middle name is often posted to help the reader differentiate between Danita Renae Horvath of Lincoln, NE and Danita Lee Horvath of Lincoln, NE who was found covered in entrails outside the petting zoo…

And here we go again…
“North Carolina Man charged with killing his wife with  poisonous eyedrops.”

A North Carolina man has been charged with using Visine eye drops to kill his wife of eight years. Joshua Lee Hunsucker, 35, was arrested and booked late last week, charged with the first-degree murder of Stacy Robinson in September 2018. His bail has been set at $1.5 million.

Lawyers for Hunsucker “strenuously opposed” the allegations and pleaded that his bail should be lowered to $50,000 so he can be with his two young children. The judge refused the request.

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I’ll say right now that allowing that guy to see his children would be a huge, deadly mistake. This dude’s sick and has cracked, dead-eyed to the world and probably touting a “nobody understands” mentality. Until further notice, please refrain from middle names of Ray or Lee when naming anbody other than an alligator or sword-wielding gorilla.

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I Will Maim Teenagers Drinking At Playgrounds

To The F*ckstain Who Smashed Beer Bottles at the Kid’s Playground:

You must be a teenager or somebody else with a very minimal view of the world. You cannot possibly be a good human being at this point in your life, but it will get better if you decide it will.  Until then, you are the reason there are cameras popping up at every street corner and playground.  Big Brother ain’t watching, YOUR BROTHER is watching.  And I’m pissed.

I did plenty of dumb stuff when I was young (as recently as last week in fact).  Fine.  Happy?  Good.  But the fact that you drained a couple Coors Lights, in BOTTLES I might add, which means you have no idea how to properly drain the Silver Bullets, is only the beginning of your idiocy. These are probably your step-dad’s garage beers, or something left behind from a July 4th BBQ your mom threw up after.  This isn’t an adult’s beer, a discerning man’s beer of choice.  Then, as if drinking the last of it, probably with a blossoming young lady who thinks you “bad” or “dangerous” because she doesn’t yet understand Life, as if the last sip was a 3-yard dive for a winning touchdown… you spike the bottle into the cement, shattering it.  Shards left behind in the high-traffic area of an elementary school playground. 

And you blue-ball it all the way home, smug and buzzed on watery beer and Axe bodyspray.  We’re watching.  We’re carrying stun-guns.
And dustpans. 
Decide right now which you’d rather have.

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