Tag: Product

KeySmart Product Review: Sleek, Stylish, Slow

If you don’t have time to get to the meat of this, here’s the final judgment:
Cool little gadget, but I’d rather have my money back.  Didn’t gel for me.

I have a few jangly keys in my rotation that I use on a regular basis. The amount of room they took up on the rings, plus a few extraneous membership ID tags from businesses and the county library, caused quite an unsightly, uncomfortable pocket-lump.  And I wanted to smooth that issue out as best I could.  I got one of those Cool Item Offer Emails-de rigueur one morning and there was a key-taming solution: KeySmart. And it was ON SALE! Thank you, Cookie-logging Data-gathering Online Shopping gods!

keysmart_regular_red_1024x1024

So I bought one, the red one, so I could start slimming up my key ring, and come roaring into a world of thinner key configurations and numerous configurations adapatable to my lifestyle!  HELL YES.  And when it arrived, I was pretty amped.  So I got to work on it.  I bought the slimmest one because I was determined to narrow down my keys to what I actually use on a daily basis.  That’s 4 keys, not including the chipped ignition key for my boss ride (2000 Accord PAID-FOR STRAIGHT CASH WHUUUUT). And no membership cards.

After the first 24 hours of use I thought I had done something wrong.  I mean, it’s a gadget, a thing that addresses, but doesn’t necessarily SOLVE, a problem, so maybe I wasn’t in the flow of maximizing this thang.
The keys I needed were tucked neatly away, but nearly inaccessible with one hand (think: carrying bags up to the front door, need to put ’em down).  It looked cool, this pocket-knife-like key organizing implement, but, uh… I couldn’t easily access the most-used keys (home, office, cabinets) because, well… they were neatly tucked away in the KeySmart.  After a month of use I have gone back to my Middle Earth “ONE RING TO HOLD THEM ALL, AND IN MY POCKET BIND THEM” usage, but at a greatly reduced quantity.  The KeySmart is outta the rotation, and maybe I can use it for something else.

PROS:  Slim, good look, expandable, accesssories, capacity restricts extraneous key holding.
CONS: Can’t one-hand a key if the end-screws are snug, kinda pricey ($15-$40 for the Titanium model), restrictive return policy (send it back unopened)

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Diaper Genie II Review

In the movie Ghostbusters, the heart of the operation is really the Ectoplasmic Containment Unit.  Some would argue it’s Annie Potts character Janine, or even Dana Barrett’s neighbor Louis, played to the understated hilt by Rick Moranis.  But no… it’s the ECU.  The ECU holds all of the captured apparitions, ghouls, and roamers captured by the gang.  Until Walter “Dickless” Peck from the City shuts the show down.

You can get a shitload of diapers in here.

Akin to the ECU is the Diaper Genie 2.  It uses a footpedal-top door-capture&drop system to receive and deposit diapers of various fill levels/matter.  From the super-peeped to the lagging loader, it can swallow up almost anything you toss down it.  Beware… there are two pieces to the DG – and thus, a greater expense is incurred.  We were given a DG as a gift, and basically have to pay for the bags every month.  Special bags. Bags that you couldn’t possibly replicate with something from the grocery store.

SlopDrop
DiaperGenie II, as used by Thing Addams

The DG has a proprietary bagging system that starts at the top with a sort of bag-sphincter.  The plastic extends from within the sphincter, ties-off to become a bag, and then drops down below the diaper air-lock.  The top of the DG opens, you drop the diaper into the chamber which is about the size of a coffee can, then release the footpedal.  That allows the dipe to drop into the abyss of the DG, effectively packing a deeper and tighter “poop sausage.”  Bags’ll run you about $7-$9 depending on where you buy ‘em.  We’ve found good deals at Target.  We’ve also found some weird accents and smells at Target.  Onward.

So here’s the issue.  The idea of the DG’s crapper-keeper is to allay the onslaught of hours & days-old dipe odors.  Those can range from warm canteloupe to a box of blood-soaked peanuts from the Civil War.  The solid-food days of the toddler’s diet are the creators of epically weird poops.  Into diapers go said poops.  Said dipes go into said Genie.

And when you rub that lamp, SIM SALAABIM… The Diaper Genie comes out and grants you 3 wishes, all of which are “MAKE IT STOP BECAUSE MY EYESOCKETS ARE BURNING!”  Also known as “The Ghost Of Breakfast Past,” the DG upper-chamber traps all the up-waft of the dipe-loads of the deep.  You pop that top and get an odiferous uppercut of kid butt.  I’d rather a Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man threaten my high-rise.

So, between the cost of the Genie, the bags, and the lingering gross-ghost, I’d pass on the Diaper Genie.  Beware to all who rub the lamp.  Frankly I find it weird poop just keeps going from one hole to another, unless you work in corporate America, where it all rolls down the aisle of your cubicle… Another time…

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Review – Tom’s Of Maine Toothpaste – Adults & Kids

I’ve been screwed a number of ways.  Besides the traditional screw-job (voter’s remorse), I often get screwed by products.  In this instance, my wife has purchased 2 versions of Tom’s Of Maine’s toothpaste.  Our first purchase was a few years ago.  That tube of colorless gel lingered, 7/8ths full, for well over 8 months.  She bought it out of concerns while pregnant, in that everything entering the home and/or her body must be of the utmost naturalness.  Once she broke down and mowed through a chili cheesedog and fries at the Mel’s Diner in Hollywood… stupid asshats at the Ben Harper show behind Jimmy Kimmel Live! kind of drove that decision.  But, I digress…

The adult version we had was the Flouride-free, anti-plaque and whitening tubal.  Just found out there’s a “Fennel” flavor, if you’re not getting enough licorice in your post-coffee mornings.  This didn’t work for us.  While expecting a mouth feeling fresh, or at the very least, free of residue, OPPOSITE DAY!
The lack of enough flavor is actually a flavor.  It’s where your nose thinks “mint” but your mouth is all “did I just think mint?”  So your olfactory and taste senses immediately disagree and walk off to the corner.
What you’re then left with is the feeling in your mouth of what may be slug gel.  It’s a clear gel but somehow still kind of gritty.  I’m not sure if it curdled after a while, but I’m wondering if we should have kept it as an option of recaulking some tub & tile corners.  Never finished the tube.

So, following a tradition of Hoping Against Knowledge, my wife recently bought Tom’s Children’s Flouride-Free Toothpaste.  Now we’re out about $8 on these products.  My 2year-old son is staunchly anti-Tom’s.  When he finished grimacing at the taste of it and jabbing at my eye with is tiny, adorable toofbert (his word), he began gnawing at the door trim to remove his teeth.  After calming him down with some Thomas & Friends on SproutTV, we dry-brushed his teeth, and used the rest of the toothpaste to fill nailholes in our crownmolding.

So anywho, no thanks, Tom’s.  I don’t know if Maine’s lacking a variety of toothpastes, but these just ain’t gonna do the trick.
Perhaps at least SOME animal testing, perhaps on humans, would help.

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Men’s Razors Cut Down To Size – Review

I got to the point recently where I just wasn’t shaving a lot.  It’s not like I was walking the path to indie-coffee barista town, and wasn’t planning on playing a didgeridoo at any point.  Nope, just the daily “meh” associated with shaving.  I’d clean up the neck and leave the face pretty undone for 3-5 days.  My wife wasn’t a fan, mostly of the prickliness, and sometimes because it made me act like a prick thinking I was all beardy and lumberjacky.  Honestly though, every bearded guy under the age of 50 just makes me think “bassist in shitty animal-named band.”

But I had to do something about it.  I tried a lot of razors, and after about the 4th one that I finally LOOOOOOOOOVED, the root cause was simple:

I didn’t shave because every razor I was using didn’t “do it” for me.  So here’s my take on the 4 razors I was using, and why I settled on one.

My skin type:  Fair, average (not oily, not dry), no acne, not prone to ingrown hairs.  Not a tough beard, either.
Cream/Gel:  Edge Shave Gel. I use the orange/sensitive skin type.

Razor #1: Old Spice High Endurance Razor (couldn’t find the link on the Old Spice site)
Blades: 3
Rating: 6/10  – Wouldn’t buy again, but no cuts, scarring, or danger.
Review:  Picked up a 4-bagger on sale because I’m on a budget.  $4.99 for 4 was fine by my wallet.
The handle has a weird grip to it.  Like it could flip vertical at any moment, rather unsettling when dragging a razor down the face.
After the 2nd use, I was resigned to using these razors on my back instead of my face.  At least a rock tee would hide the skin irritation.  The cut wasn’t very smooth nor complete.  After hitting a 2-day growth I felt like I was about 3pm of a 5 O’clock Shadow.  I’d use these in a pinch and threw one in my travel kit.  Still have 1 left for an emergency back shave.

Razor #2: Schick Quattro Titanium Disposables
Blades: 4
Rating: 7/10  – Would buy again but not if others are available and similar price.
Review:  More isn’t always better.  In comparison, this was a pretty good razor on a budget.  I don’t invest a lot of dough into razors because I don’t live a life of needing to be super-slick all the time.  But this was a good bag o’ cutters.  Got the hair handled, but a slight afterburn.  Skin felt tight, neck wasn’t real clean.  Didn’t do it for this fair-skinned fella.

Razor #3: Gillette Custom Plus 3 Disposable
Blades: 3
Rating: 9/10  – Good on the face and the wallet.  
Review:  Price varies on this from store to store.  BUT, this has been my go-to for a long time.  For some reason, the 2 places I had purchased it in the past weren’t stocking it for 3 months, and that’s just too long to go without.  When I can get these, I get these.  On sale, great.  If not, hey, not a bank-breaker at about $7/4.  Each one lasts about a week if you shave every day.  I don’t, so they last me about 2 weeks.
Great cut, good grip.  Neck was good, trim head got under the schnozz.  Highly recommended!

Razor #4:  Schick Hydro 5
Blades: 5 (coincidence?)
Rating: 9.5/10  – The Private Jet of store-bought razor cartridges
Review:  Having forgotten my razor on a family trip, one of these was available at the concierge desk as a sample/gift.  I love this razor.  The handle is balanced with a good grip and look.  The cartidges have a good skin gel that doesn’t go goopy after 3 shaves.  This ain’t a cheap cutter, nor are the carts, but damn if this isn’t worth it.  If you have to shave often, this is the one to go with.  Don’t ruin your face.  Do the right thing and get this razor.  Even the 3-blade version is a treat.
Only down-side is the cart is a bit too large to really clean-up under the nose.  Other than that, this thing’s the luxury car of razors.
And yes, I’ve used the Mach everythings.

So there ya go.  Enjoy trimming that beard up to a status of either “First Day on the New Job” or “Puerto Rican 3rd-Base Outline.”

 

 

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