Can You Afford To Care Act

Already my family has taken the brunt of the Affordable Care Act’s jet-wash, knocking us off a very good plan and into the spiral of disparate coverages. Now, I can’t prove that the plan we were on 3 months ago was impacted by the machinations of ACA. I won’t call it Obamacare because the irony of “Affordable Care” is much darker to me, so it’s ACA all the way. I can’t prove the impact because I would have to see transcripts of the meetings between my company and the health insurance providers (HSP) we were with, and how our premiums went up $348/month. THEN I’d have to get clearance from the companies my firm talked with about costs and how those costs went up, break down per-person premium bumps, and then I’d start to have some proof. But that’s not as important as the Truth. The Truth is how it impacts Me, or Us, or You, or My Family. And sorry neighbor, that’s all I give an F about.

So, a month ago we were basically forced off our plan as the premiums through my company were to rise on Nov. 1 to the equivalent of a mortgage payment on a good-sized home in a decent neighborhood outside of the Seattle area (overvalued!). And with the holidays coming, we’d rather have the $700 to put elsewhere than into the coffers of the legalized racketeering that is health insurance. I have been the beneficiary and bitch of HSPs in the past, believe me. I’ve been on both sides of it. But as of now, due to the ri$e, I am covered through work, but… MY FAMILY HAS NO COVERAGE RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE!

WHAT? BUT… Every American who wants coverage gets it, right?
Well SURE… If you need to get to a new plan, things change but you get coverage! But first you have to provide certificate of creditable coverage for the previous 24 months. And that takes time. And fill out a 25-35page “health questionnaire” and then fax that in. And that takes time. And there’s the online application. There’s a person who reviews the questionnaire and makes some decisions. All of this takes time before ACA goes officially into effect in January… or is it March?

So right now, instead of paying about $600/month to cover my kids and wife we are sitting on the money and it’s not in the backalley of the local HSP. So if my kid needs a doctor’s office visit and some medicine , probably cost us about $180 out of pocket.

WAIT, dude… That’s… No deductible?

Nope, no deductible. No tax on my cover charge. No proof that I can pay for care after I’ve already payed my premium. It would save us $420/month in this scenario. And the care would be the same. Offices will take money right from you. Did you know that? Isn’t that weird? A service taking payment directly from those they serve? What a world we’re living in.

Of course there’s the trepidation of catastrophe, what if a bone breaks or a clot forms or a hemorrhoid-rages out of control and needs cauterization? Car accidents. Shark flood. Old Testament diarrhea AT THE GROCERY STORE. What then? Who pays? I guess it depends on who decides what your life costs, and you pay them.

Catastrophic insurance, if it exists for you, maybe all we need, and a little cash stash to cover the rest of it. Otherwise, sorry kiddos… Christmas is thin this year, but we’ll stuff your stockings with doctor’s office stickers and sweet magnetic calendars from the HSP stating “Happy & Healthy Is The Best Policy.” Stress kills more than anything else, and it’ll probably kill you by the time you figure out how deep in your colon the HSPs are.

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER

November 19, 2013 1

20 by 40 – Part 2 – Progress

OK, so I’m down 2.5lbs as of this morning. Sure, probably just water weight but still happy to see the ball rolling. Consistency is gonna be needed, big time. It’s usually around day 4 or 5 that I go bonkers, so I need to do the right thing and keep the healthy carbs (like a yam with dinner) coming in and keep that leptin level slightly up. I ain’t been 100% or even 95% clean, probably closer to 85-90%. But I had 2 great workouts so far this week.

In the meantime my co-worker’s eating an apple like it’s the anchor leg of some Young Life event. Ease it off there, buddy.

So dropping the immense amount of carbs from my diet which I had daily ingested last week has proved beneficial. Sometimes something is just too friggin’ good to pass up. So, low carb’in’ it works.

Drinkin’ a lotta water at night, too. I realized I pretty much stopped drinking water after 6pm, so I was getting that weird fake-empty feeling of “hunger” an hour after dinner. Keeps the skin clear, the pipes clear, and helps motivate an early rise from bed, lest I piss said bed. You can get away with that only like 3 times a year before trouble starts.

So there we go. Sigh. On my way. I’ll be even more motivated when it comes to that 10lb mark. When I see the results of consistent action (i.e. not eating like a dipshit on the weekends) I know I’ll be feeling even more motivated.

November 7, 2013 0

Pretty Much Paleo Pancakes

1/4tsp Baking Soda

1/4tsp Sea salt (It’s all the rage)

2Tbsp whey protein powder (the more grass-fed/organic/isolated the better), vanilla is best

2 eggs (from the closest thing to “homeless” chickens as possible)

1 pretty ripe banana

1Tbsp Almond or (GASP) Peanut butter

2Tbsp coconut flour

First, get your family far away from you so you can get some head-space and just make some awesome pancakes for them. Usually they just slow down everything you’re doing.
Throw the ‘nana, nut butter, eggs into a bowl and beat ’em til smooth. That’s what I did. You can do it differently but don’t bitch if it sucks.
Sift in the protein powder, give it a couple turns.
Sift in the salt, baking soda, and coconut flour. Turn ’em til smooth. Maybe beat it again to smooth it up.
Smoooooooth. Ya feel me?
Let it sit a bit, get all together.
Heat a pan up to just-past the mid-point on the burner.
Ideally you’re dropping some coconut oil in that hot pan til it melts. Swirl it all around, coat that pan like the back of a Summer fling on a Tahitian beach resort chaaaaaise. Smooth.
Then drop some of that batter in there and PAY ATTENTION! The high-fat content will get the cakes browning up pretty quickly so don’t get yourself in a burned cake mode. Try a test cake, drop like a quarter-sized dollop in there, see how it goes.
Taste test! How’s it? Good!
Now you can do what comes naturally when making cakes. Do it up. Make a few big ones. Make a couple little ones.
Enjoy. Feel the power.

Nutritional Information:

Calories: enough
Fat: good for you and enough
Carbs: just a bit, maybe like 50g total if you eat the whole batch yourself
Fiber: 8g or so
Protein: like 30g or so.

I’m sure a strict Paleotian is preparing a response to this and getting their crossfit shorts in a wad, but please remember:
I’M NOT TRYING TO CHANGE THE WORLD OF PALEO EATING THROUGH ONE RECIPE THAT WORKED OUT WELL FOR ME AND MADE MY KIDS FORGET ABOUT REGULAR PANCAKES. Also, eat sh*t.

Don’t feed the trolls, feed your beast.

November 3, 2013 0

The Task of A Thousand Steps Begins Just After This Coffee Break

This post is the first of 30, wherein I will be dropping 30 posts in the month of November as part of NaBloPoMo, or “National Blog Post(ing) Month,” or Nablo Pomo, former left-handed reliever for the class-AA Donxberg Burros. Long strider, wicked curve ball, but like a lot of young men in his era, he got caught up with the Wicked White Witch and never came off the ride. Talkin’ about sugar, friends. The diabetes got ‘im.

OK, OK… I’m slagging off some things in life because they don’t seem to capture my attention. I realized in the past 48hours I had started a few small things, made calls I needed to, and got things in order for the changes in my life from Affordable Care Act-fallout. But then, for some of these things and calls, I didn’t get a response right away. So now they slip off the radar. The ADD brain doesn’t appreciate that. In fact, one returned call was a voicemail that made almost no correlation to what I had originally called in about, further confusing the scenario, and causing another step for me. Again, added clutter to the brain space of an ADD mind. Not good, bro.

And I realize that procrastinating isn’t unique the ADD’ers, it’s just more prevalent. I have a “do now” gear and a “do another time” backlog. It’s not prioritized, although I have a long list of things I need to get done in the next few weeks to makes we’re all on the same page with life and society. If you looked at it, or a police officer was searching my car and found the list, well I’d have to probably walk through it to show you I mean no harm and YES, I’m fine, so let’s all just chill out for a bit. The BrainBath list is so good for me to do. It’s a constant reference point of things that seemed important at one point, and keeps my brain free of debris and detritus. The trick is going back to it.

I can imagine how frustrating I must be to live with. I have always been a guy who, when given a task and tools and time, will get to work and get something done if left alone to do it. But that work style and parenting don’t exist in the same housing development, let alone cul de sac. I often tell my wife “It takes a long time to be me.” What I mean is that, in order to get in order and stay in order, I need time TONIGHT to prep for TOMORROW, or tomorrow will just be a bust and nothing’s going to get done. Clothes packed for work after the gym, laptop bag packed for work, lunch ready to go, coffee set to auto-brew come the morn, etc. And it’s usually only stuff I can do for me, which makes my time “in my space” seem like avoidance of the family, and it’s not at all.

This is all retro-perspective now of my ADD brain as an adolescent; when given a task I wanted to do, I’d nail it. But add layers of unnecessary complexity to my Summer job of mowing neighborhood lawns (other people, bad tools, sunbathing step-daughters asking if I like Mötley Crüe) and my ability to get the work done slips. Now we have unfocused people with no ability to steer an edger, and they’re too hot to work and now I hate my friend. Then I would have to be more of a leader and say “Guys, we gotta get this done so we can get to the next lawn and get paid and see if Brendan’s brother can score us some wine coolers.” And then somebody would bitch about me being a dickhead and I’d give ’em $10 and send ’em along.

So I am learning that the best way for me to avoid procrastination is do one thing NOW. It’s proven that multitasking is bunk, your brain can only focus on “a” task at a time. You don’t want a surgeon taking calls when they’re 2 knuckles deep in any part of your body. So if you have an ADD’er in your life, and you notice half-done work, odds are they were on their way to Finishberg and got pulled away, not “sidetracked.” If you have the money to shop for your groceries, but no time… or the time, but no money, what good is any of it? Give me enough time, and space, and things get done. Give me however much time you THINK it should take and stand around asking rhetorical questions about toilet replacement codes in remodeled bathrooms, while not handing me a pitch-dark porter, and you may as well be winging full diapers at my head asking me to sing “Girls, Girls, Girls” without warming up. I’m gonna be hoarse and there’s gonna be a lot of crap laying around.

November 1, 2013 2

Cold and F-You Season

Just a friendly reminder from your co-worker…

Just because you’re coughing up “less” blood doesn’t mean you’re “on the mend.” Stay at home.
You missing 2 days of work = 2 days of work missed. You getting 4 people sick = 4-6 days of work missed. Stay at home.
Your kid’s sickness doesn’t mean that kid should be socialized with other kids so that other kids’ immune systems can be exposed to your kid’s sickness and everybody takes a step forward in the “strong immune system” line. You are not allowed to compromise anybody else’s health based on short-sighted, negligent, selfish parenting. We’ll get through the 3 year-old’s party without you, your annoying fashion choices, and your overuse of the word “amazing.” Stay at home.
If I can hear you coughing and blowing your nose from 3 rows away, that’s too close. Stay at home.
Stay at home. Until March, if necessary.
Wash your hands. Wash ’em again. Soap and water’s fine. No more superbugs.
Stay at home.

October 7, 2013 1

The Political Party Parent

In my 4 years of parenting I’ve noticed quite a few things that are likely my own internal judgments come to light…

I am a somewhat hyper-vigilant observer, which is a great help for cultivating material for the stage and this blog, but a terrible trait for, you know, enjoying life. It often makes me, as my wife calls it, “annoyingly uptight.” My uptightness, however, is also the same trait that causes me to hover around my kids in unfamiliar situations until we all know the lay of the playland, keeps them from thunking their head off the ground because I was socializing or phone-gazing or not being at all involved in their play time. That level of involvement/concern/uptightness doesn’t make me “better” parent, but it sure as hell keeps my kids out of harm’s way, aggressive dog’s way, and “over-tall sharply-elbowed aggressive shit-head kid with phone-gazing parent’s” way.

One parent type I’ve run into is who I call “the Political Partier.” I’m not sure they even realize what they’re doing, but this is the parent who shows up at a kid’s party… WHICH ARE ALWAYS A GREAT WAY TO SPEND A FOOTBALL WEEKEND DAY INSTEAD OF WATCHING FOOTBALL ON ONE OF 35 DAYS OF THE YEAR… and doesn’t really “count.” Example? SURE, here ya go….

Couple with 1 kid. Mom and kid come to the party. Dad comes, too. Didn’t have that counted on their RSVP, but hell, we can swing another few inches of the party-sub and a juicebox, dig in! BUT… he’s almost a ghost. Sits in the corner, looks at his phone the whole time, doesn’t mingle, doesn’t really make it known his kid and wife are there, nor how he’s related to any of this. Here’s the Political Issue…

His mere presence now forces the host of the party’s significant other to assess any of that couples’ future parties as “go-worthy.”

What’s the problem? Well, now I would… just using myself as an example, not saying this has ever happened… I would have to ask “is HE going?” when they are hosting a party that I really don’t NEED to be part of. And if he’s going then I have to go because I can’t look like the guy who’s not involved with his family, right? I mean, how many times does the daughter of a mom in your youngest kid’s toddler socialization group turn 2 and have the party at an indoor petting zoo for blind animals? Once? So yeah, big day all around, better tape up my face and go. Paying for another gift and card and taking day off from football isn’t enough. Gotta BE THERE, Dad.

OR, just not go. Take the older kid off for the day while mom and youngest goes off to do their thing at the party. Identify with your other kid in your own space for a while, and bond there. Get your own slice of cake somewhere. Don’t buckle. Get out. Do what you have to do and enjoy it.

Which is a great thing to do as long as you can let go of the other parents judging you.

October 7, 2013 0

To Have Died Young In One’s Prime

I started down a path that would have likely led to some disgruntled comments from people who would know of whom the original post was about. And therefore I retracted that information. But I will say this:

When people lament the loss of a life, “snuffed out too soon, gone before their time,” you have to really look at the circumstances around the death before we assign an appropriate check-out time. When Brittany Murphy died a few years ago after a drug overdose, there were a LOT of people outside the Murphy camp but emotionally invested (for whatever reason) in her life, saying she had died too young. Yes, she was young. But you’re never too young to die from the illnesses you refuse to treat, such as drug addiction or flammable colon gas. And how many people tried how many times in how many different ways to get Brittany healthy? Ultimately it was a psychological drive to drugs, which then killed her, which had gone unrooted and untreated, and perhaps untreatable. It’s sad. And it’s even more sad when it happens to somebody who isn’t famous, who didn’t have any money to handle expenses, and leaves behind a family to pick up the pieces. And by “family” I mean children, not a co-dependent spouse or lecherous entourage lacking any discernible talent.

And at the same time, I noted the following in a moment on-stage a few years ago, while pondering the deaths of young people.

Young men between the ages of 15 and 27 do dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb and stupid stuff more than anybody else, based solely on testosterone, lack of forethought, and a throbbing life-boner. Driving drunk, driving fast, mohawks, energy drinks, fraternity drinking, borderline date rapes, parking lot fights, etc. Therefore they should all be defaulted into Organ Donor status. Perfectly healthy crop of lungs and hearts and kidneys can be harvested for the poor folks waiting for one of these dipshits to roll his Jeep or mis-judge the cross-wind of a bridge jump. I still can’t believe I’m alive considering the [OMITTED FOR LEGAL CONSIDERATION AND BECAUSE MY KIDS MAY READ THIS ONE DAY] for an entire month.
The loss of realized potential is what is most crushing. The time to share Life with that person ends, BAM, done. Nothing more. Grief sets in and confuses and crushes and drives people to sadness and despair and rear-window “In Memory Of” decals. When that life ends there’s nothing more that can be capitalized upon; no professions, no vacations, no kids or grandkids or victories on competitive cupcake bake-offs.
The person to which I thought of and referred to, originally, died before he hit 30 years old. Model-like good looks, dashed in a tragic accident. He’ll never get older than 28. He’ll never wrinkle, or gray, or sag. He’ll never wake to the cries of a screaming child 3 times a night and suffer a day of fatherhood and work and tiring of the Grind. Because he drove too fast for the conditions, and an accident happened. Really very sad, for the rest of us who are going through all of that. Nobody will ever know what he looked like as a fat, balding, bitter desk jockey. Lucky bastard.

So before we wail and groan when a life goes too soon, please look at the circumstances of it for a Reality Check. At what age is somebody NOT “too young” to die? I am hoping to die much like my great-grandfather, in his sleep at the age of 91, shot by a jealous lover.

September 27, 2013 0

My Two Cents: A Simple Business Lesson

This is a quick lesson about customer service and making money for people who don’t or haven’t pondered the actual importance of customers and money to their business.

My gym/fitness club has a fitness beverage/smoothie counter in it, operated by a franchise. It’s a little overpriced but super convenient when I’m in a rush and need to pound 70g of protein and a banana and almond milk and don’t have a NutriBullet plugged in the Honda. Which is more frequently than you may imagine.

On the counter is a “$1” basket, where you can buy, for $1, any number of sample-sized items. Amino acid powders to mix in your water, help you move along in the workout. Maybe some Energy Boosters to pop before you change into your sweatpants so that when you’re about ready to do some sit-ups, you’ll feel energized… like enough energy to nakedly grapple a gawddammed rabid bear BECAUSE THOSE PILLS HAVE ONE GEAR AND IT’S GONNA HAPPEN WHETHER OR NOT YOU’RE ON THE ELLIPTICAL AND YOU’RE GONNA FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A CHAINSAW DICK, CAPTAIN KHAKIPANTS…

i pulled a packet of amino powder out the other day, it was clearly labeled “FOR INTRA-WORKOUT FOCUS AND ENERGY – NOT LABELED FOR RESALE”. But I don’t care, it’s a dollar, and I had a $1 bill on me and I needed workout focus and energy, labeling be damned.

The gal working the counter rings me up… $1.08
Sorry, what? 8 cents over a dollar? Taxed on an item you’re not supposed to be selling? I just look at her and say, “Oh, I don’t have any change, can we just do the dollar?”
She’s like “Umm, sorry, it won’t let me.” SO HERE’S THE LESSON

I said, “Ah, ok. Sorry, I don’t have any change.” No sale. Not then. Not in the future.
You either make a dollar on a free item, or you lose a dollar on a free item due to 8 pennies worth of misprogramming. And hopefully hear the message:
Getting some of something you need is always better than getting all of nothing.

I had this issue with a local vacuum & sewing machine repair shop, too. We were given a very nice, ridiculously powerful vacuum cleaner that takes special bags we usually have to order online. A local business sells them for $22.99 for 6, so you can see how many ways this vacuum sucks. Online we can get them for $17 + $3 shipping. We walked into the local brick & mortar and said “Hey, we have $20 for these bags.”
The lady behind the counter with enough time on her hands to barely look up from her magazine said “Hmm, those are $23, though.”
“Yeah, but we don’t have the $3, I have cash ready to buy one of these 7 packs, can we do $20?”

She looked at us with distrust, like we’re trying to pull a fast one on her. Well, nobody gets one over on this gal. Nope. No dice. Wouldn’t budge. Also, wouldn’t be adding any money from us, then or in the future, into her till.

The customer doesn’t always have to be RIGHT. But you have to have a customer in the store before you can even have a discussion with them, let alone build the relationship, appreciate their business, and try to upsell them on a real nice Dyson you just repaired.

If you run a business and have a set price for something, remember that price is what you HOPE the customer will pay for the item. Why stop there? Why not sell 1 pair of over-embossed sweatpants for $180, instead of 6 pairs at $50? Less work for you, right? I’m not saying you should haggle over every little item you want to buy; it’s not a garage sale, it’s a place of business. But don’t let 8% cost you 100%. Do the right thing.

Oh, and have some food samples out.

August 30, 2013 0

A Theory On Conspiracies

I don’t fully accept that every crowd-involved moment in society is merely an act of nature’s will, moving us in the direction a Critical Mass event dictates. We don’t get swept up in a riot, we get into the crowd we KNOW will riot, and do nothing to get out. Nor do I fully believe that socially-impacting events (like Egypt’s tragic killings, the Boston Marathon bombing, or the Teen Choice Awards) are engineered, or even have their proverbial balls started a-rolling, by some cabal, klatsch, triumvirate, or shadow improv troupe. America’s ability to gather and gung-ho for a cause is incredible, but we’d like to leave the tear gas and face-shooting to the thugs.

What I do believe is that much of what human societies react to are Fear, Oppression, Despair, and Threat. When I hear gun-nuts (and I’m not talking gun owners, I’m talking bottom-rung Doomsday Preppers with half-finished escape tunnels in their garage) bemoan gun control, I want to remind them that if a military force DOES decide to come for those guns, they will in fact wrest it from those cold, dead, dirty, masturbating hands. And that those hands will be deadened by either a sniper’s bullet or a drone strike, not by a 19 year-old Pfc knocking at the trailer door. So when a threat is made evident, and fear washes in, and violence results, I believe there are groups who take a very keen interest in seeing the nature of the ripples in the pond. A conspiracy theorist I know, who is also a great guy but totally and understandably anti-social (not asocial, he’s truly anti-American-society after his brother’s war-ravaged mind left him suicidal and addicted to drugs, and a few divorces) once told me why he believes that a cabal’s puppet-strings can be found in the periphery of such moments.

His theory is that the groups are always experimenting not only with what drives humans, and groups of humans, to rebel or react, but HOW they do it, the success rate, and if it’s conceptually transferable to a military act FOR the people. That is, how can a military application come from crowd-sourced videos and tips from the Boston Marathon bombing, wherein cell phones and street cameras and TV footage and facial recognition software helped identify the suspects? That seems to also allow for people to either take the military side to happily send images for review, or a conspiratorial air of wondering who among us is spying within? Big Brother is watching Step Brother watching Little Brother…

A woman recently walked in to a local grocery store and caused a full evacuation and bomb squad involvement. She’s getting a mental evaluation. Her backpack was void of anything harmful. 19 years old… Hmmmm…. Did she think this up herself, to gain attention and power? Did somebody pay her to walk in and do this to see what happens? Where is she now? This is worth following.

Somebody keeps taking nips off my Half-&-Half in the work fridge, so I’ll have to lace it with something to see who passes out or powerdumps at their desk. I want to believe, that people are good, but man, sometimes people just really let ya down. And I wonder what it would take for Americans, tax-hating, vacation-paid, partial-benefits-loving Americans to fill the streets with shouts and raised fists. So far it’s just WTO and pro-sports championships.

August 14, 2013 0

When trying to figure out if you have an untreated brain tumor, see if you choose the locker right next to the only other locked locker in a 30-locker bay. If so, YES, your brain is being eaten by a mushroom, you bun hole.

August 13, 2013 0

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